


Storms and Silver Linings

by denilmo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Buckle up kids, F/M, emotions as weapons, sex as a coping mechanism, why do I do this to myself?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2018-12-10 22:11:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denilmo/pseuds/denilmo
Summary: Even the strongest break, and when Sakura finds herself lonely, and in the shadowy depths of sorrow after losing precious people, she turns to the person she knows isn't afraid of what's found in the dark.---“You know that we can't come back from this,” he commented, wondering if she thought about the consequences of what this would do to their friendship.Her hand left his hair to pinch the top of her skirt, her other hand lowering the zipper. “I know and I don't care. Just... promise you won't hate me tomorrow.”





	1. And The Thunder Rolled

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is the entry for week one of KakaSaku month for the prompt Summer Rain. 
> 
> I've been toying with the idea of a darker KS fic and it really was persistent with this prompt so, here we go. I hope you stick with me. 
> 
> A huge shout out to awintersrose who took a looksee over this, and whose feedback was greatly appreciated while buttoning this up all nice and neat for you to read.
> 
> Reviews are encouraged, but not necessary as long as you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!

On the day she buried him, the weather had been sunny and the guest turnout had been small. In some ways it broke her heart to have only a handful of people at her side, in others it sort of seemed fitting as he never cared much for large gatherings.

She felt the squeeze of Ino's hand at her shoulder and met her sympathetic smile. “He was a good man, Sakura. He'd be proud of you, you know. You saved people that day.”

 _But not him_. She knew her friend meant well so she let her lips reciprocate with as much of a smile as she could muster. “I know.”

“I have to get back to T&I, but I'll come by after okay?”

“I'll be at mom's.”

Ino nodded.  “Should I bring her some flowers?”

Sakura thought back to all the bouquets they'd already received. _T &I must be keeping her busy enough to be unaware of the business at her family's own shop. _ Sakura suddenly felt more bitter, even though it wasn't Ino's fault. “If you want to, but I'm sure she'd appreciate some soup more.”

“Got it. I'll see you later.”

She let herself be pulled into her friend's brief embrace, and then with her gone Sakura was left alone with people she barely knew. It was suddenly too crowded and her chest felt tight with the need to breathe. Casting her gaze down at the headstone, she knelt and placed her single flower there.

“I'm sorry dad,” she whispered and then hastily rose to her feet. She turned and began to walk away as fast as she could without looking like she was running. The civilian cemetery was small and pristinely kept, so much so that it bordered on unnatural. She had to get away.

The summer sun glared heavily down upon her, but she didn't wipe the sweat from her forehead. She bore the weight of it burning her skin through her clothes, pulled through the fatigue tugging at her every step. She deserved it. No one said it aloud, but she swore she saw it in her mother's eyes. Those sad, red-rimmed eyes as she held her mother’s hand while they went over funeral arrangements. _You should have been there for him._

Sakura had been in surgery that day. A medic had been pulled to go on a mission so the roster was rearranged. She had been wrist deep in some poor Anbu bastard’s stomach when three civilian men were rushed in, injured at a job site. She had been saving another man's life while her father's dwindled away. She had been smiling and sharing congratulations on the success as her father flatlined. She had been changing from bloody robes as they'd pronounced him dead, and she'd only thought about what to have for lunch.

Hitomi had been waiting for her in her office; Sakura had been completely unaware of how much her life would change with her presence.

Sakura paused outside her childhood home and took a deep breath to prepare herself. “Mom, I'm back,” she called as she slipped out of her shoes. She wrinkled her nose as she passed by the flowers in a heap on the table. Their sweet perfumes mixed and became overbearingly pungent.

“Want me to open a window? Some fresh air might be nice.” She paused for a reply, but none came. Maybe her mom was sleeping. She cracked open the kitchen window anyway and then gathered the pill bottles that sat on the counter. She placed the required doses in a small cup and snatched a bottle of water from the fridge. Her steps fell quiet as she made her way to her parents’ bedroom.

The TV was on with the volume down - little more than background noise - and she shut it off before sitting on the corner of the bed. Her mother looked just as frail asleep as she did awake; it was a stark contrast to the vibrant woman in her memories.

Sakura gently brushed the hair from her mother's face, ignoring the pang of guilt in her chest. She hadn't known about her mother's illness until a year ago when she was put on bed rest. She should have seen the signs, but after the war there had been so much to do, to change, and to rebuild. She had been so swept up in everything she had believed it when her mom said that she needed to rest and not worry about her, that there would always be another time. Sakura had been so focused on the village, that she hadn't spent much energy on her family. When the news finally came out, the sickness had progressed so much that there was nothing Sakura could do without the risk of killing her. She had been so furious that her parents had gone out of their way to see a doctor in a neighboring town just to keep it hidden from her, to keep her from worrying. And now she thought she was to blame for that, too.

She sighed and gently shook her mom's shoulder. “I'm home. Dad's service was nice, you would have liked it… And Ino said she'd come by later.”

She looked down at the pills in her hand, hoping her mother would have said something to her concerning her best frenemy. She had always loved Ino for befriending someone like Sakura in all her awkwardness, and remaining her friend at the end of everything.

“Come on, you need to take your medicine.”

Her fingers paused over the bottle cap and she set the water to the side as a feeling she couldn't quite place but had experienced before prickled down her back. She pressed her knee onto the bed as she leaned over her mother, gently shaking her again. “Mom?”

Apprehension halted her fingers midway to her neck, and then she pushed through and set two of them at her pulse point. Her mother was cool to the touch and Sakura's eyes widened at the lack of a pulse.

Fear laced through Sakura's blood as it pumped through her and she set her palm flat against her mother's chest and sent a wave of chakra through her body. It met no resistance against what should have been her naturally occurring stream of chakra. Every living thing had it.

“No,” she muttered, her gaze hardening with determination. “No, no… mom!”  She turned her face toward her and pried open her eyelids, searching for any sign of life as she sent more chakra into her. Pulse after pulse was pushed through only to bounce around like an echo in a hollow canyon.

Sakura kept pushing, knowing any minute now her mother would wake and demand to know what all the fuss was about. _I was just sleeping_ she'd say and laugh and take her pills. Sakura would apologize - for so many things - and would tell her about the service, and they'd cry and reminisce together until Ino brought the soup. And her friend would chide them for their improper care of such beautiful flowers and help arrange them in vases. Sakura knew this had to happen, it was supposed to be what came next. She just had to wake up first.

“Mom… wake up,” Sakura urged, numb to the tears cutting down her cheeks. “Mom!”

oOo

On the day she buried her, the weather was overcast and gloomy, and Sakura stood out in front of the other attendees. With everything else she had to take care of, she'd forgotten an umbrella. Not that it mattered. She deserved this, too. Her emerald eyes were less vibrant today as she looked down at the newly engraved name on the headstone beneath her father's.

She'd been asked to give opening remarks, but refused. What could she say? _Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno, two people who still deserve to be here, but aren't because of my incompetence._

Tsunade had tried to console her, to make it clear that it wasn't her fault. But the woman still shot back sake to numb her own pain. As brilliant of a medic and a leader as she’d been, she didn't want to take Tsunade's advice on the one subject that made her out to be a hypocrite.

How could it not have been her fault? She was wrapped up in village politics, doing her part for the supposed greater good. She remembered the rare occasions she'd all but collapse at the dinner-table with stories of how tiring her day had been. Only now, as she played back her memories, did she notice the tightness in her mother's eyes, and how sad her mom's smile had been when she did her best to reassure her. If she had just known she could have helped. All the years and experience she had gained hadn't  made her any less of a selfish child.

She hated herself for assuming things were as they'd always been in the Haruno household. She hated herself for never taking the time to ask her mother how she was doing, if she had been sleeping and eating well. She hated herself for not doing more than giving her parents money (buy mom flowers; take her on a date; get those shoes you've been wanting), money they spent on another doctor. She hated herself… she hated herself... she -

Sakura startled as an elbow nudged her, and like she had been forced awake from a deep sleep and a bad dream, she turned her gaze to Ino. Ino who had come over as promised and found Sakura wailing over her mother's body. Ino who had to pry chakra-lit hands from her corpse and force her into submission. Ino who had cried with her as she promised they'd figure it all out together.

The blonde tilted her head toward the gravestone. And Sakura took an awkward step forward, away from that piercing blue stare. Ino had been there in her darkest hour, and she was thankful for that, but right now all she felt was pity rolling off of her best friend. Pity that she wanted nothing to do with. Sakura placed her flower in front of the stone and then stood aside as everyone else came forward to drop a flower and pay respects.

The crowd that had gathered for her mother's service was just a bit bigger than her father's. She tried not to think on it, or feel bitter, but she did. She clasped her hands in front of her, head bowed as hands passed over her in a show of reassurance. But with every squeeze or pat all she wanted was to shrink back, to knock their hands away and run. Instead, she clenched her jaw and clamped her fingers tighter together.

She was relieved when the rain began to fall and the crowd began to thin, hiding away under their umbrellas. Her hair began to be weighed down by the rain, drooping over her shoulders and falling into her face. With a final thanks for attending, Sakura began to walk away. She could have sworn she heard people calling out to her, but they all sounded so far away. She didn't have the strength in her to reply, so she just kept walking.

oOo

Kakashi grunted as the rain first began to fall. He'd seen the clouds in the distance, could smell the earth as the storm pressed forward. He had hoped to make it home before the bottom fell out. He should have known better.

This was not how he wanted to spend his vacation. He didn't want to be completing a mission either. All things considered, he should have been wary when vacation time was offered. The spa resort was too good to be true - steam rooms, body massages, body wraps, hot stones, facials… They were all very lovely and he would have enjoyed it more if he hadn't been spying. But such was the way of life, he shouldn't have expected anything less.

He was relieved as he took shelter under the roof of the guardhouse at Konoha’s gates, and he shook the rain from his hair and face. He ignored Kotetsu’s cries of foul play as he signed in. “A little water never hurt,” he teased.

“I’d still like it if you kept it out there,” the man groused as he wiped his face.

“How's Tsunade’s mood?” Kakashi asked, ignoring the man's protests.

“Not good.”

“Like throw things at you for reporting bad news not good, or you brought me a bottle of sake so I’ll let you live not good?”

Realization dawned on Kotetsu’s face. “That's right, you wouldn't know.”

Kakashi's expression turned serious as he readjusted his pack. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“Sakura's parents passed away.”

He kept his surprise restrained at the news. “And?”

“She's been a mess and Tsunade has been trying to pick up the slack on top of her Hokage duties. Running the hospital and the village while training Naruto is wearing her a bit thin, though she’d never admit it.”

“And Sakura?”

“I don't know. She should be at the cemetery. Her mother's funeral is today.”

Kakashi nodded and cast a wave over his shoulder as he set out into the rain again. He changed his course, the Hokage - and the one in training - would surely understand. As he neared the cemetery he crossed paths with mourners leaving, and he hoped he hadn't already missed her. However, there was no head of pink to be found anywhere. In fact there were only a few faces he did recognize, everyone else had been civilian. With a deep breath he continued on to the Hokage tower.

It was still raining when he left after being debriefed. After business was taken care of was when he’d learned the details of Sakura's parents. He couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for her to cope after losing both of them back-to-back. The exhaustion couldn't be contained and made itself known upon Tsunade’s features. And Naruto had looked nearly as ragged; the blond couldn't quite get the request out - feeling guilty enough for not being able to be at Sakura’s side at all moments - but he understood. Their favorite medic had endured enough, and she needed to know that she was not alone.

As it was on his way, Kakashi stopped by Sakura's  apartment only to find it empty. He sighed and decided to drop off his pack. He was tired, wet, and smelled vaguely of a wet animal. Now that the rain had slowed to a light drizzle, a quick shower seemed to be in order before he continued his search. He thought about where she may be hiding herself away, and as soon as he dressed he stopped by each possible location. She was never there nor had she been seen, but there had been plenty of condolences given for him to pass on. Kakashi refrained from the urge to rip his hair out. After the last _such a shame_ comment he couldn't blame Sakura for avoiding her favorite haunts. There was one other place he thought of, but he honestly believed it to be the last place she'd want to be. He crossed the village, thunder rumbling in the distance like the growl of a feral beast. He hoped he'd make it before it started to rain again.

Kakashi finally reached his destination and stared up at the Haruno home. Two windows were lit up and he walked around to the side of the house. He could make out Sakura's form beyond the curtain, and found himself concerned as she turned the bottle in her hand upright at her mouth. He had never seen this side of her before, even with all the other heartache she had experienced. He didn't want to watch her detonate - not alone, not after Naruto had looked at him with those pitiful eyes, not after those whispers he'd heard from passing mourners. She had stood at his side during the war, had helped pull him from the darkness, and he owed her this much. A crash of glass broke him from his thoughts.

He lifted his hand to the window to go in and check on her when a surge of her chakra made him pause. He’d never felt anything so unstable roll from her before. His gaze darted about the kitchen, having lost her, and then he heard a sharp cracking sound, followed by another. This time he caught sight of a pill bottle as it hurtled across the room and punched through the cabinet. Sakura's  scream pierced through the air, sharper than the strike of lightning. She swept her arms across the table sending the bouquets of flowers flying off,  some of them were dead but most looked fresh.

Kakashi stood frozen as she threw a chair against the wall shaking the house with the force of thunder. As much as he felt she shouldn't be alone, even though he'd promised, he felt very much as if he was intruding. Everyone dealt differently, and he had no right to witness her private grieving. He took a step back from the window and pulled his hands into the familiar seals. It was as he was making the final one that he glanced back inside and met her pained gaze. He couldn't stop, and the tears rolling down her face were the last thing he saw before the shunshin carried him away.

Kakashi cursed as he landed on the rooftop of a house at the end of the street. He hadn't meant to stick around and witness that. He didn't want to embarrass her or infuriate her any more than she already was. He cringed imagining his head had been the cabinet. He only hoped that when they'd cross paths again she'd be understanding and realize he'd only been there because he was worried about her. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine how it would play out.

The rain began to fall upon Kakashi again as he made it back home. Road weary, he collapsed onto his bed and then rolled over to take his book from the nightstand. He cracked it open to the dog eared page, but he couldn't concentrate on the text. All he could see were Sakura's eyes and the mountains of hurt behind them. He let the book fall tented over his face, and while his brain was running, his body was tapped out. The rain pelting against the window lured him to the edge of sleep. Though he fought it, it eventually claimed him.

Rain had been the only constant since Kakashi fell into bed, so when it suddenly disappeared it poked at his senses. There was a soft rustle, followed by a louder one and then a faint click. The sound of rain returned, barely drowning out the two light thuds. He curled his fingers around the handle of the kunai he kept under his pillow, but then he felt the chakra and released it before sitting up with the yawn he had been biting back.  “Sakura?”

She didn't say anything in response as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He blinked a handful of times to focus on her form in the darkness of night. She was still in her mourning clothes that were now soaked from the rain and clung to her body. He followed the water as it slid down her arm and dripped onto the floor to join the small puddle at her feet.

“Let me get you a towel.”

“I'm alright,” she countered. “I can barely even feel it.”

His gaze was drawn to her face, to the neutral indifference that settled into her features. She looked like an imposter and it didn't suit her; he almost couldn't face her, after seeing her as he did. Those memories surfaced and he figured she'd come for payback. He excused himself to get her a towel anyway.  

“When did you get back?” she asked.

“Just a while ago. I… heard about your parents and went to find you-"

“And?”

He paused as he lifted the towel to her shoulders; he wasn't sure why he felt so unsteady around her all of a sudden. He'd known her for years, and had gotten even closer to her over the last few. She was so tightly wound up that he could feel it. He wrapped the towel around her shoulders. “I'm sorry I didn't make it back sooner,” he whispered.

She made no move to dry herself as he sat on the edge of the bed. The quiet stretched between them, began to settle awkwardly over them until Sakura sighed, long and steady. “It wouldn't have mattered if you did.”

“I don't believe that. You know I would have been right there beside you…”

“But it still wouldn't have mattered. My parents would still be dead. I just don't understand why. Why like this?”

“Sakura -"

She couldn't control her outburst. “They were just civilian. There were always some of the first to be moved to safety, they stayed protected during the invasion, had never fought a war. I know they would have died, one day, but I'm a _medic_! I should have been able to save them!”

“You can't blame yourself.” _Trust me, it does no good._

Her chest began to rise and fall more rapidly. “But my mother… she hid it from me, Kakashi! Because she thought I was too busy, that I didn't need to worry about her. If she'd come to me at the beginning, I could have-" Her sentence broke as she gasped for air, as she choked on the sob that beat against her chest.

Kakashi had never handled tears well, but he wouldn't mind it so much if she were to. For all the times he had failed her in the past, all that she had endured and grown to be, for all the strength she possessed - he could be here for her now when she needed it the most. The fact that she sought him out meant something, didn't it? He reached out to her trembling hand and curled his fingers around it. “It'll be okay, Sakura.”

The pain she felt - so raw and heavy - was evident in the dip of her lips, the pull of her brow, and in the creases of her eyes. She drew in a stuttering breath. “But it hurts… so much.” Her fingers clawed at her chest, as if she meant to dig straight through and tear out her heart.

Kakashi swallowed thickly and squeezed her hand for reassurance. “One day it'll hurt less.” _But it'll still hurt_. He didn't want to lie to her, so he settled for half truths.

“I need it to stop now,” she admitted. “I can't eat or sleep. One minute I feel like I'm going to break, and the next I feel nothing. I don't want to feel like this… it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.”

He watched her shoulders raise, tense as she confessed. “Breathe, Sakura."

“It hurts to breathe,” she countered. “I just want it to go away.” The towel slipped from her shoulders as she spun to face him. His eyes had adjusted to the dimness of the room and though the silence was brief, he saw and took in so many things. She was trembling, rain drops caught the street light and fell from her hair like crystals. Her eyes focused on him - intense, wide, and _hopeful_ \- and it made his stomach drop.

“Kakashi… can you help me?”

“I don't know what I could do for you,” he replied, ignoring the weight of her question and wondering if he was just imagining what she could be hinting at. Although his gut instinct was rarely ever wrong.

She stepped closer, between his knees, and he drew his attention to the water drip-dropping onto his legs.

“I want to feel something... anything than this.”

He pretended not to notice her fingers as they fiddled with undoing the buttons on her top. “Sakura-”

“I've seen how you look at me.”

He kept his expression schooled, even as his stomach knotted. Now was not the time to be feeling anticipation.

“No one ever looks at me that way.”

He craned his head back to look at her. “And which way do you think that is?”

Sakura peeled her shirt off her shoulders, forcing it down her arms to land on the floor with a wet squelch. “Like Naruto sitting down to his first bowl of ramen after a long mission. Like Tenten when she gets her hands on a rare weapon. Like Sai unwrapping new ink.”

Had he been that obvious? After the war he knew she needed a friend so that's how he made himself available to her. She had to sort out her feelings for Sasuke - they all did. He saw the way she jumped when lightning would strike during a storm, even though she’d brush it off. She needed time to heal - as much as a ninja ever could. And he'd been content to be her friend, to learn all these fascinating things about her, and somewhere along the way that contentment turned into a desire - a yearning to be by her side.

And it was wrong of him, and not for the artificial reasons on the surface. It wasn't the age gap that bothered him, or that he was technically her superior, nor was it that he'd once been her teacher - and a poor one at that. It was his own self-loathing; it was knowing she deserved better than him. He could not let himself drag her down. He’d ruin her, and he couldn't allow that to happen.

She set her hand on his shoulder, pulling him from his thoughts. “You could have me right now.”

Kakashi took a deep breath and wet his lips. “Sakura, you don't really want to do this.”

“I need to do it.”

“You’re emotional and you're grieving. You're not thinking about this clearly.”

“And that's where you have me mistaken. I am fully aware of what I'm asking you.”

She curled her fingers around her camisole and lifted it over her head to let it join her shirt. Kakashi averted his gaze from her bare chest, face flushed at her boldness. “Sa-"

“Kakashi, please… I know you want me, and I need this. We both win.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but her fingers fell across his lips. “Please don't turn me away. I can't go back there, not now. I just want to forget. I don't care how unhealthy it is, I don't care if it's only for a little while.”

Kakashi pressed his eyes closed as her touch skimmed over his jaw. He was being a hypocrite, he knew. How many times had he sought solace in something or someone for no other reason than a brief reprieve from the hollowness he felt deep within himself? He just didn't want to see Sakura turn down this road. She was far too bright, too young, to get ensnared in such a trap.

Her fingers curled around the back of his head, nails scraping against his scalp and sending a tingle through his body - his highly traitorous body.

Her voice was soft, and barely broke over the sound of rain, but still far too loud in his ears. “I trust you. I need you to give me this.”

He could feel himself being pulled toward her, his hands scrunching up his pants over his knees as he balled them into tight fists. They would obey him and not move. His cheek met the smoothness of her stomach as her hand continued to comb through his hair.

“Please, help me forget. I'll take care of everything, just please…”

Kakashi felt her stomach clench when his lips accidentally brushed her skin as he turned his head. Her fingers curled so pleasantly in his hair and he looked up at her. Her face was cold, blank, but her eyes - her eyes were pleading, as if the Sakura he knew stood behind them, banging on the glass and demanding to be free. Her eyes were red-rimmed, tired, and he could see the fragility of her soul. Could he really deny her and turn her away when she came to him like this, like the fire that made Sakura _Sakura_ was being smothered by the weight of her loss? If he turned her away, would it completely extinguish those flames?

He wanted to bang his head against the wall. Why did he feel so guilty all of a sudden?

“I want it to stop.”

Her broken voice invaded his ears and chipped at his already weakening resolve. All of the things he had denied her before, all of his shortcomings and failures with her clawed at the surface. And here she was, vulnerable, at her rope’s end, and _begging_ him. If he turned her away would it hurt her deeper? Could he bear it if he was the one who broke her a little more, who fractured her smile? And could she ever forgive him? Could he live with it if she didn't?

“You know that we can't come back from this,” he commented, wondering if she thought about the consequences of what this would do to their friendship.

Her hand left his hair to pinch the top of her skirt, her other hand lowering the zipper. “I know and I don't care. Just... promise you won't hate me tomorrow.”

His brow furrowed at her choice of words. “I could never hate you, Sakura.”

He kept his eyes locked with hers as her skirt fell away, and she stepped out of it. She leaned down toward him, her cool hand cupping his face. He could smell her tears and the earthy undertones of the rain as she pressed even closer, slipping her fingers into his mask. The material scratched against the stubble on his chin as she wasted no time in pulling it down.

“I hope so,” she whispered before her lips touched to his. Her sadness crept in like a ghost, haunting the warmth that should have been there in her kiss.

He trained his gaze to her and realize she had her eyes closed, so he shut his as well. The gentleness of her mouth turned harder as she urged him to reciprocate. He parted his lips at her prodding and welcomed her tongue. He felt her push his hands away and then take residence in his lap. He didn't remember her ever feeling this small.

He wanted to hold her and touch her, and he hated that he felt that way. Even though she instigated the whole matter, he still felt as if he was the one taking advantage of her instead of the one being used.

Her hands skimmed down his chest and blindly found his arms. He felt her hands take his and place them on her waist. Her skin was soft, damp, and cool against the heat of his palms. She sighed against him, shivering as the contrast scattered gooseflesh along her torso. Her tongue ran along his, pulling him deeper into the rabbit hole he agreed to chase her down.

He began to kiss her back in earnest, pressing his mouth just as soundly to hers. He sat a little straighter as his hands ventured up her back, pulling her closer. She mewled into him as a hand snaked into her wet hair, angling her head so he could better slant his mouth over hers.

Her breath came quicker as he plundered her mouth. He could taste the desperation under her tongue, the sweet rot of hope along her teeth, and he wanted nothing more than to take it all away. To swallow it down himself so she wouldn't have to feel it.

Her hand fell over his other one at her side and brought it to her breast. She was cold here, too, so he cupped her flesh and gently began to knead it, working his warmth into her. Her fingers tightened in his hair as she finally broke the kiss, gasping against his mouth. He could make out the slightest dusting of color on her cheeks and offered up the slightest twitch of his lips in reassurance before kissing her again.

Her hands fit between their bodies and she attacked the string of his pants, untying them with haste and loosening the waist. Kakashi turned his head away from her and snatched her wrist, halting her advance. “Wait.”

“But... I thought-”

“You wanted me to help you feel something else, and I will, but it's going to be on my terms.”

“You never said that.”

“Just let me take care of you. That's what you want, isn't it?”

Her eyes narrowed in brief contemplation. If she was going to back out, it’d be now. Kakashi wasn't sure if he wanted her to or not - and that horrified him. When an ugly, selfish man he had become.

“I'll do it your way,” she agreed, and then squeaked as he suddenly twisted, holding her tightly as he moved her to the bed.

“Then let's get you warmed up first.”

Sakura had no time to reply as his body pressed to hers and he captured her mouth. She hadn't realized how cold she must have been until he was flush against her. His body heat prickled her skin, his chest like a burning ember as his mouth skimmed her jaw to her neck, sucking on her pulse point and nipping her tender flesh. His lips continued their journey south and she softly moaned as his tongue circled a nipple. His mouth was so warm closed around her and heat bloomed in her chest in response.

Sakura clenched her eyes shut, trying to focus on his breath as it rolled across her skin like fog through a valley, on his callused fingers that swept along her body, cotton soft. She tried to encourage the tingle that stirred in her middle to spread, to consume her whole. She was ready to burn.

His tongue dipped into her navel as his hands slid down from her breast, his touch pressing comforting patterns across her.  “Just relax, it will come if you don't force it,” he assured her.

She huffed as his voice interrupted her. “What will?”

“The feeling you're looking for.”

Sakura lifted her head to see him better. She wanted to ask if he was sure, ask him how he knew, but she didn't. Because for a brief moment she could see that glimmer of ache in his eyes. He gave her a tilt of his head that asked _Don't you trust me_? The answer was obvious, and she closed her eyes as she laid back again.

His nails scraped against her skin as he curled his fingers into the band of her panties. She held her breath as she lifted her hips to help him. Surprisingly, she felt no nervousness, no embarrassment, no shame. All she felt was eagerness. The last remaining article on her was gone and she was one step closer to something that wasn't nothing.

His warmth bled into her thighs in whisper-soft presses of his mouth. And then Sakura gasped as he placed a kiss at the apex of her mound. His heat spilled over her with every roll of his tongue, every suckle of his lips. She twitched and moaned, still far too aware of the inky void pushing back against the tremors of pleasure, that deep resonating feeling that told her she didn't deserve to have it.

Kakashi could see her smaller hands fisted in his sheets, could feel the tension in her body. He rubbed his hands along her thighs, spreading her legs farther apart. If he couldn't get her to drop her guard with his mouth alone then he'd employ another trick.

Sakura sighed again as his mouth slowed, kissing her clit with a lazy curl of his tongue. The pad of his finger grazed up and down between her labia, his touch as light and teasing as his tongue. And when she thought he was going to enter, his fingers instead traced along her nether lips. She wanted to protest but his attention made her tingle and her breath rise in anticipation. Her fingers ached as she released of the sheets and reached for him instead.

He lifted his head, freeing her bundle of nerves to lean his face into her hand in encouragement. His lips were so hot and wet and plush as they pressed a kiss to her wrist.

Her fingers curled into his hair as he slid a single finger inside her. She was already wet, soaking his invading digit as he twisted it within her, observing her reactions as he explored her passage. Little-by-little, Sakura could feel that pleasant tingle ripple through her. Every breath expelled the dark and cold, replaced it with something warm and exciting. She felt it when he added a second finger and then his lips closed around her again and her back arched off the bed.

Kakashi kept the same steady pace. Regardless of what Sakura had said before, her body was saying something different, and he wasn't going to rush in. More than just escaping or forgetting, he wanted her to feel good beyond measure.

Sakura’s grunts and gasps turned into mewls, her pelvis rocking up toward his mouth. Whether she was conscious of it or not, her body was finally responding naturally, no longer held back by her inhibitions or emotions.

“Kakashi…”

He hummed around her in question, pleased by her sharp gasp as he did so.

“Kiss me,” she requested, breathless and tugging on his hair.

Sakura could feel the bed shift as his mouth left her, but his fingers dutifully remained between her legs. His body was back alongside hers, hot and hard and secure. She wrapped her arms around him as she crushed him against her. She could taste herself in his kiss, could taste his longing. He hummed against her, fingers still hooking inside her with every stroke.

Sakura trembled against him, no longer shivering from the rain, but from the waves of bliss battering against her ribcage. She blindly felt down his torso, finding the top of his pants and finished loosening them. She shoved them down as far as she could reach, the palm of her hand flattening over his pelvis.

He groaned as she found him, her soft touch circling him. She marveled at how hard he was, at how she could draw such a noise from him. She gave him a few toying strokes, her body burning for more.

Her hand moved between her legs and cuffed his wrist and then she threw her leg across him. In one fluid movement, she rolled herself on top of him, breaking the kiss and the tempo of his dancing fingers.

Surprised by her sudden action, Kakashi looked up at her in wonder. “Sakura-"

“I'm ready. I need more of you.”

He choked on his next words as she rolled against him, taking pleasure in the bite of his nails on her thighs. She lifted up onto her knees and aligned him to her entrance.

“Wait, I have a con-"

But she began to sink onto him, her head falling back as he stretched and filled her.

Kakashi hissed as she fully seated herself on him, her passage hugging him- soft, and warm, and heavenly.

Sakura put her hands on his chest and looked down at his face. “I told you I'd take care of it. I’m a kunoichi so…” She almost smiled at his puzzled expression and elaborated when his confusion didn't seem to pass. “I'm required to be on birth control.”

Realization swept over his features and Sakura took it as her cue, lifting up and falling, enamored by the stroke of him against her walls.

She slowly worked her hips, following some unheard rhythm that only her body seemed to know. She sighed as she moved atop him, the friction of their bodies meeting made the heat spike in her. The primal need in her urged her on; she wanted more, needed more, and she found it as her tempo sped. Every glance of his length to that wondrous spot as she came down on him made her gasp. It filled the dark empty nothingness in her chest with something that promised to be amazing.

Kakashi watched her with awe from the flat of his back, teeth sunk into his lip as he gripped her hips. The way her stomach clenched, the bounce of her breasts, how her mouth moved into the shapes of mewls, and moans, and his name - he drank it all in. He was mesmerized by the woman riding his cock as if it was the only thing she needed to sustain herself. She drew in a stuttered breath, her pace faltering as he cupped a breast, rolling and pinching its nipple between deft fingers. His gaze drew to her face, watched as signs of pleasure contorted it. He slid his hands down to her thighs, now warmed and trembling as she started to move faster again.

Sakura's breathing became more shallow, her hands pressed firmly to his chest to keep her steady and upright. She could feel it, somewhere deep within, telling her she was so close yet so far away from what she craved the most. And unexpectedly, the demons rose, reminding her of how awful she was.

_Look at you, you just put your mother in the ground and you’re fucking your ex-sensei. Pathetic._

She grimaced as she came down on his length a little harder, chasing the bright pleasant hum that began to leave her.

 _Do you feel better?_ she chastised herself. _Do you think you deserve this? Did you think you could feel that dark void with his kiss, his touch, his cock, and feel better about your failures? You are disgusting._

Kakashi growled as Sakura's fluid movements turned hasty. Her hips pounded against his like a woman possessed. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, concentration replaced bliss on her features and if she didn't slow down…

“Sakura… slow… you're gonna make me come if you don't slow down,” he bit out between heavy breaths.

But she wasn't listening or hadn't heard him. She was no longer in the present with him. He reached up, pulled her down by her biceps, and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her, insistent and demanding for entrance with his tongue. Sakura granted him access, their position no longer allowing her to impale herself so hard, so deeply on him.

The same frenzied desperation was in her kiss, as she devoured his mouth, silently pleading to just make it all disappear. But Kakashi wasn't going to let her get lost again, not like that. A hand skimmed up her back and threaded into her hair, his caress gentle as he held her there, not giving in to her frantic pace. The tease of his tongue against hers was slow, pushing the fervor of hers down until she was matching his.

Kakashi set his foot on the bed, and then with a push and a bridge of his body, he rolled them over. Sakura gasped as the kiss broke and she found herself in the new position, as he thrust gently inside her.

“You're thinking too much again,” he murmured against her neck, his voice and breath equal parts ticklish and tantalizing on her skin. “Just let me.”

He felt her nod, his nose brushing up her throat as his lips followed. Now that he had a moment to get her back into the right mindset, and back himself away from the edge, it became his focus to send her over it first.

Bracing his weight on his forearms, he continued to move, easing in and out of her with languid rocks of his hips.

She sighed against his ear, her fingers stroking through his hair as his movements ignited that spark inside her again. It laced up her spine and swelled in her chest, effectively shutting up that inner part of her that did nothing but berate her.

The slide of his body against hers came steadily, mimicked the steady drumming of her heart. He made no move to increase the pace of their union, even when she urged him to in breathy whimpers, her hands gripping the muscled expanse of his buttocks.

Kakashi refrained from pounding into her, even though she felt exquisite and the most primal of his inner monsters demanded it. It’d be so easy to lose himself, but he was supposed to be the one with the compass. He kissed her, swallowing her sighs and savoring the feel of her lips until it burned.

When he broke from her, he pulled back and met her gaze, twin pools heavy with desire - the depth of sadness momentarily gone.

Sakura grumbled as he slowed to a stop, but then he was lifting up onto his hands and giving himself some leverage with his knees. When he thrust again, he went deeper, forcing a cry of wonder from her mouth. He rocked into her again and again, spellbound by the shapes of her lips and the delicious sounds that tumbled from them.

Kakashi was amazing; every part of her that he touched sang his name. The way he kissed her, caressed her, and filled her, it was like being worshiped. He was all she could see and feel. In this moment he was all consuming, and it wasn't enough.

“More... Kakashi... Oh!”

Her back arched and he leant down, skimming his lips across her skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. His touch coasted down the length of her body, curving around the back of her knee before he hiked her leg up. He slid his arm behind it and simultaneously raised and pushed it back to where the heel of her foot bounced against his shoulder as he thrust into her again.

Sakura cried out at the change of sensation. It felt like he was reaching farther, like she was more full, and every slide along her passage, every tap against that deep spot and had her trembling. She fell into his rhythm, rocking the best she could in time to his pistoning hips and clutching onto his arm for support.

Kakashi clenched his jaw, focusing on anything else besides the ball of pleasure at the base of his spine growing with every thrust, every squeeze of her fingers and breathy moan that puffed out against his skin. He was feeling so close to his end already, but he wouldn't go without her.

With one arm taking his weight, he fit his other hand between their bodies and pressed to her clit. Sakura whimpered as his touch sent a pulse of warm, spine-tingling pleasure through her body. Each circling pass of his fingers lifted her higher. Her heart hammered against her chest, beating the ache away to the darkest of corners, but not before it raged against her again.

_How could you do this to yourself? This feeling won't last, your parents are still dead, and all you've done is prove how worthless you are._

“Sakura?”

Kakashi's voice pulled her back in. She hated how gentle and worried it sounded. She let herself moan again, tuned in to the feel of his length rushing in and out of her.

“I'm so close,” she murmured, jolting at the sweep of his fingers as her arms reached back to clutch the pillow.

And it wasn't a lie. She could feel that coil tightening low in her belly and the dual sensation of him wound it tighter and tighter. There was no going back. And here on the precipice, so close to falling into what she had craved, she wondered if maybe this had been a mistake after all.

But Kakashi's hips drove into her, evacuating all thoughts and left her only to feel. And it was far too much to take, knowing deep inside her heart she should be broken and miserable. Yet she was on the verge of euphoria. Each breath came accentuated with a moan, with tiny incoherent pleas for just a little more.

_Just a little..._

Her arms fell slack as she pushed her head back, her body arching. She crushed the back of her hand to her mouth, biting it to muffle the sounds she didn't seem to have control over any longer.

“No… let me hear you.”

Kakashi's voice had never sounded as sexy as that before, low and gravelly, broken by the force of his movements. Tossing her forearm across her eyes, she complied, her body swayed by his to follow even the unheard commands. There was urgency in his hips, and each snap of them plucked at the thread she was hanging by.

“I.. I-ah! I'm… com-ing!”

Guilt crashed into Sakura, swirling in with the waves of orgasmic bliss as her body shook.

Kakashi didn't know how much more he had left in him before she declared she was reaching her end. And when her body went taut and that strangled cry of release burst from her lips, she looked absolutely glorious.

He could feel her body spasming, the tremors that spread through her legs and torso, and squeezed his cock in waves. He closed his eyes as his rhythm faltered and increased, as he chased after her. With her moans in his ears and a few more jerky thrusts, he came. He snapped his body to hers, grinding against her as the sharp pulse of orgasm swept over him.

The world slowly came back to him, and then became clear all at once. He eased her foot from his shoulder, placing tender kisses to her calf before sliding her leg back down to his bed. The blood rushed in his ears, his chest heaving with each greedy breath. He kissed her chest, her neck, still aware of her trembling and coming back to herself. But when he noticed the quivering of her chin, he knew something was still wrong. Had he failed her again?

“Sakura-" He reached for her arm, but as soon as he touched her she jumped. “Sakura.”

“Don't... please…”

His brow furrowed in concern at the sadness that resonated in her voice. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm away; she didn't put up a fight.

Her eyes swam with unshed tears and his gaze softened as he lowered himself to her. He brushed the side of her face with his fingers. “It's okay.”

Sakura closed her eyes, pushing the tears out as he kissed her forehead. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm sorry.”

He rolled them onto their sides, slipping out from her in the process, and wrapped his arms around her. “You're going to be okay,” he assured her.

He held her until her sadness no longer shook her and her soft sobs turned into light sniffles. He disentangled himself from her and went to the bathroom. When he returned, he had some tissue and a damp washcloth. “There's a dry shirt in there for you.”

Sakura smiled at the gesture, breaking the downward pull of her lips. “Thank you.”

  
Kakashi watched her go and as soon as the door shut, he dropped his head into his hands. What in the hell had they just done?


	2. Human

**I know it's been rough, it shows in your reflection**   
**You've fallen out of touch, got lost along the way**   
**I know it's not enough, but these things they all get better...**   
**You'll come around and be human again**

 

_All I ever see is the reverse of me. I can never see myself how others do. My eyes are the same boring shade of green they’ve always been. Maybe my hair’s a little longer, but I don’t look any different._

The smile reflected back at her didn’t _feel_ any different - it still pulled at her cheeks and made her lips look thin. This smile didn’t say _my parents just died_ or _I just slept with my ex-sensei_. The smile was safe, and pleasant, and easy enough to fake.

Sakura watched her mouth fall in the mirror and she sighed as she tugged at her bird’s nest of hair. Sex with wet hair was never a good idea. She turned and looked at her naked body from the side. She was lean, but not very curvaceous. She cupped her breasts and sighed again. What had she been thinking being so brazen and undressing like that, especially when all she had to offer was… was _this_. Her nose wrinkled as she uncovered herself. At least Kakashi didn’t seem to mind the areas that Sakura was so self-conscious of before.  She watched the tilt of her head and the curve of her back as she moved. He’d certainly seen all of her, she mused as she took in the reddened marks on her skin left there by his fingers and mouth. No sense in being shy about her body now.

She met her own eyes in the mirror, stared into them hard. She could see no traces of hurt or grief or guilt. She knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that she should feel awful for what she’d done. She should feel embarrassed by her behavior, that she had thrown herself at Kakashi and practically begged him to fuck her. She should feel horrible and she should apologize, but… she felt nothing. She poked at the bags forming under her eyes, and she wondered if it was what was on the outside that mattered most in this situation. If she just pretended that she was okay, then would it just _become_ okay?

Out of bed and away from his warmth, her body was rapidly cooling. She quickly set about cleaning herself up and then she picked up the shirt he’d set out for her. She idly wondered if her relationship with Kakashi was going to be okay, too. She’d already crossed that line, and he had gone in after her. She supposed she’d ride this out, too, and see where they’d take it.  She unfolded the shirt, surprised to see the logo of a local brewery. She didn’t know he even owned clothing like this.  She pulled the too-big T-shirt over her head, grinning at how it dwarfed her. She tore her eyes away from the reflection of her crooked smile and down the front of the shirt. She ran her thumbs down the crisp creases and figured this was something he’d never worn before. Which was a shame, because it was pretty comfortable. Curious, she pulled the shirt to her nose - it only smelled faintly of Kakashi, and she didn't detect any soap.

Sakura caught her reflection again, noting the backward text of the shirt. She combed her fingers through her hair, unknotting some of the tangles, and then tried to make herself as presentable as she could. She couldn’t go out there and cry against him, or break any more than she had already.  He had to see that she was okay. She looked over herself and took a deep breath.

_All I ever see is the reverse of me._

She turned off the light as she left. Kakashi looked up from his spot in the bed as Sakura walked out. She blinked against the soft yellow light from the bedside lamp, and then looked around. He must have picked up her clothes while she was in the bathroom as they were now hung over the small drying rack in the corner.

The silence was thick and stifling. They both spoke simultaneously.

“Sakura-”

“Thank you.”

They both gave each other questioning looks and asked together:

“What for?”  
“Yes?”

For a moment the awkwardness was gone and they chuckled. She approached the bed, surprised that he was still there. Most guys gave her some lame excuse at this point, but then again, Kakashi wasn’t most guys.  It was the reason she came here to him, wasn’t it? She gestured to the hanging clothes. “Thanks.”

He nodded, watching her with a critical eye as she sat on the bed next to him. “Are you okay?” he asked as he pulled the blankets back for her.

The blankets rustled as she laid down and settled in. “I will be. Is it really okay for me to stay?”

“I can’t send you away without your clothes… and I wouldn’t want you to be alone,” he answered honestly. She looked calm, collected, and cool in comparison to how she’d been an hour ago.  He knew she was still battling whatever demon was prodding at her from the inside.

“Thank you.”

“If you want me to I can sleep on the couch.”

She shook her head. “No. I mean… stay. I want you to stay and maybe…”

His fingers brushed her cheek, brought her attention back to him. Her face flushed and she looked away, pulling the sheets around her. “Could you hold me for a while? Just until I fall asleep.”

“Sure, I can do that.”

Sakura turned onto her side, away from him, and reached back for his arm as he pressed his body to hers. She could feel the dips and curves of his body - and other things - as he settled against her.

Sakura tilted her head back. “Are you-?”

She lightly squeaked as he wrapped his arm around her middle and brought her flush to him. “I usually sleep nude,” he muttered.

“Good to know,” she whispered through a shaky exhale as he reached beyond her and turned the lamp off.

“I’m sorry I’m asking more from you, Kakashi,” she said as darkness enveloped them again. “I just need this, too.”

His arm settled over her waist again. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll leave in the morning, I’ll make sure no one sees me.”

“Sakura, it’s okay,” he reassured her and listened to her soft breath as she agreed. She didn’t say anything else and he remained there and listened to her breathing and the rain that still fell outside. The sound that was usually so soothing now felt like claws to his ears, accentuating the slow drag of time.

He wondered how Sakura laid there and just slept while he felt like the entirety of his body was on pins and needles with her so close. What was he supposed to do now? What would happen to them? He’d caved in and given Sakura exactly what she had been seeking. Why did he have to be such a pushover? Wasn’t this a mistake?

“Kakashi?” she murmured beside him. He froze and gently turned his head to regard her, and he could feel her sigh more than see it. “You’re thinking so loud that I can hear it.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, slightly flustered that he’d been caught.

“Please go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning before I leave, I promise,” she countered, curling her hand around his arm. “Please.”

He took a steady breath and then nodded, his breath washing over her hair, her ear. “Okay. Get some sleep.”

“You too.”

He hummed in affirmation, and tried his best. He laid there with his eyes closed but no sleep claiming him for what felt like hours - but was actually much shorter. It was the warmth that was shared between them and the sound of her gentle breathing that eventually lulled him to sleep. She was okay, for the time being, wrapped up in his arms in his bed. Sakura was okay. That comforting fact was enough.

* * *

 

Sakura had been dreaming; she knew it was a dream because the sky never looked the way it did now - all pearly iridescent clouds against a silver sky. The wind was blowing but she couldn’t feel it against her face even though it whipped the scarf around her neck. She’d been walking with Kakashi, her hand still warm where his own had been wrapped around it. Now he walked a few steps ahead of her, book in hand. He pointed upward and she turned her eyes up, watching a bird glide across the sky, its bright red feathers stood out among the grey. It dove downward and she kept watching it as sped towards the ground. She waited for it to pull up, that perhaps it was just diving down to collect its prey. But in the silence of her dreamworld she heard the thick cracking sound as it collided with the earth. She left the path she was on with Kakashi and ran over to the bird. Besides a dark scar on the earth, there was no other indication that the bird fell there - no blood, bones, or feathers.

She turned back around and waved at Kakashi who was walking toward her. Suddenly he put his hand to his mouth, but she heard nothing. He yanked his mask down around his neck; she could see his mouth moving but still heard nothing. She looked around her, but saw no threat. She waved over her head and tried telling him that she was okay. But even when her throat ached with the force of yelling, no words came out. She went to take a step toward him and found that she couldn’t move. Two pale hands from the ground were holding onto her feet, and as she stared the soil moved, the limbs coming out farther as the hands slid up her calves. The moment she tried to break away the ground crumbled and she saw Kakashi run for her as she fell. She clawed at the grass, fighting against whatever was pulling her down. Darkness and death seeped out of the hole, stealing the light from her dreamworld, killing all the plant life around her. Flowers paled and withered, the earth she clawed at came away loose with dead and brown grass between her fingers. She could feel hands up her back, sliding around her waist, and up to her shoulders. She was tugged backwards but she continued to fight.

It was as the light faded, that she could finally hear her voice.

“Help me!”

A firm hand took hers and she could hear him, Kakashi, as his voice broke through the silent haze around her ears. “Hang on, Sakura, I’ve got you!”

“Kakashi…. Please!”

Icy fingers tickled up the back of her neck and gripped her throat. Another hand fisted in her hair while another clamped around her mouth. She couldn’t see anything anymore, just blackness in all directions, but she could still feel Kakashi’s hand holding hers. She opened her mouth to scream again, but all she could taste was dirt, mineral rich, and then her hand was wrenched away from Kakashi’s grasp.

Sakura took a sharp breath, filling her lungs as she woke. Darkness welcomed her and for a moment she panicked, but she breathed again and felt the soft weight around her middle. She was warm - warm and safe - and not alone. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. All she could smell was Kakashi all around her and she pressed back against him. Feeling some trepidation leak into her from her dream, she craned her head back to make sure it was really him behind her. She felt silly for doing so, but was relieved when she saw his sleeping face.

She exhaled, deep and soft, hoping to keep from disturbing him. She looked around the room and wondered what time it was. She found a clock, and as her eyes adjusted, she made out that it was a little after four in the morning. She readjusted herself and stilled when she heard a light moan behind her.

That was when two things dawned on her: one, Kakashi slept in the nude, and two, she had effectively been grinding against him as she tried to get comfortable. There was a prominent bulge poking her backside, most likely from all her movement. Part of her wanted to snort and giggle to herself in the situation and then go back to sleep. But then a larger part of her was curious what all she could coax out of him before waking him. She experimented with a gentle shift of her hips, rocking up and back into his erection. His breath hitched, but he remained fast asleep.

She continued to roll into him, increasing her pace whenever she felt confident to do so, when she felt him grow harder. It was actually turning her on a little, and the way his breathing would shift or slither across her ear like some seductive snake only made her yearn to hear more.

Kakashi huffed and Sakura froze. Was he waking up already? Instead, he mumbled something and rolled away from her and onto his back. Sakura turned as quietly as she could and peered up at his face. Her eyes remained on him as her hand skimmed down his torso over the top of the smooth linen. Her touch bumped into his rigid length and she curled her hand around him. She stroked him up and down, touch feather light as to hopefully keep him asleep a little longer. She watched his body as it twitched and his face as his lips pulled this way or his brow pinched that way. She pressed her thumb over the tip of him, feeling the bead of pre cum as it soaked through the thin sheet.

She carefully peeled the sheet back, pushing it over his midsection and freeing the part of him she was having far too much fun with. She hadn't previously been able to look at him this closely, and now she was taking advantage. Looking at him now, recalling how he filled her, she felt her face grow hot. He was so warm and smooth for how hard he was.

She glanced up at him and then back to the thickness of his length in her hand. She wet her lips before parting them and gently pressed them to the tip of him, turning her eyes up to watch him as she suckled and curled her tongue around him. His skin was smooth and slightly salty. She retreated, letting her fist glide down and back up. The plush fullness of her lips trailed down the side of his cock. Sakura smirked as he twitched, and then she checked to see if he was still snoozing. His brow was pulled, but otherwise still sleeping.

She leaned closer and flattened her tongue as she pressed it to the underside of him. Slowly, she licked up his shaft tasting every bit of him including the traces of herself. She rolled her tongue over him, eager to have more of him and surprised that he’d remained asleep. Now she had to know what it would take to wake him up.

Sakura’s tongue swirled over his cock head and she moaned as it twitched against her lips. It was incredibly sexy. She closed her lips around him and slowly let her face down, taking half of him easily. Sakura let her tongue caress his length as her hand traveled up and down.

Kakashi had been sleeping so well. The long trek back home, the rain, and the confrontation and unexpected events with Sakura had thoroughly worn him out. But there was a pleasant feeling that tugged on him, gentle at first like the way smoke tickles the nose. It was easy to ignore, to forget and continue sleeping until it persisted. A soft hum began to reverberate through his body from his center outward; it was warm and almost familiar in his dreamlike state.

Was he dreaming?

There was a steady, fluttering tapping of something around his hips and he focused on it as he felt himself being pulled from sleep. Pleasure laced up his spine as he came closer to consciousness.  That pleasant feeling rose and he gasped as it rolled over him, his tired eyes finally cracking open.

The first thing that he realized was that it was still dark; the second was that the fluttery feeling tapping was real. He reached to his side but it was empty, and as his senses kicked in and the drowsiness cleared he realized exactly what was going on.

Sakura's hair brushed against him as her head bobbed and he reached down, gathering a handful of it. His voice was husky, thick with sleep. “Sakura… what are you-" he grunted as she pulled back, sucking on the top of him.

Her voice was quiet, almost playful, as she spoke against his sensitive flesh.  It sent chills up his body. “Good morning.”

“Sakura-" Kakashi moaned as her mouth wrapped around him again; he could feel her tongue worm against the underside of his cock as she took more of him. His fingers curled in her hair, his body tensing but also yearning for more.

Sakura hummed as his nails scraped her scalp. The weight of his hand remained there as he caressed her head, encouraging her with stuttered breath and strangled sighs.  She sucked him hard as she dragged her mouth back up his length and released him with a pop.

Kakashi trained his gaze to her as he felt her move; he could make out the shape of her body as she crawled forward, seemingly from the shadows themselves. The little amount of light that filtered in sparkled in her eyes and painted her face  making her appear soft and almost surreal, and Kakashi wondered again if he was dreaming.

Her tongue passed over her lips as she circled his cock with her hand. “I just wanted to thank you properly for last night,” she whispered.

“You don't - mmm -" her thumb teased up over the head of him, milking a pearly bead of pre-cum from him “-have to do that.”

“So you want me to stop?” She asked with a teasing purr to her voice.

“No,” he replied as his hips lifted into her retreating touch.

Sakura leaned forward, blindly kissing his jaw and chin. “Good… I want to feel you in me again.”

Kakashi tilted his face toward her and pulled her closer, taking her mouth with his. Sakura closed her eyes as she felt his tongue stroke her own, gently at first and then building, like a fire, as his hand fell over hers and squeezed harder around his length.

Sakura hummed as she forced him to slow, drawing out the feeling of his hard cock under her fingers. She broke the kiss, leaving him gently panting for breath. Her free hand trailed down his chest, feeling every twitch of muscle, and smirked. Replacing her stroking hand with her mouth again, she took as much of him as she could. Kakashi’s head dropped back with a curse and his hand reached for her, his fingers catching some of her hair. His sounds of bliss encouraged her on, made the heat in her belly flood out. She released him, the desire to have him rising to be acknowledged.

Her voice was breathy, needy. “I want you, Kakashi.”

“Just… give me one minute,” he countered, though he sounded just as dazed as she was. Kakashi centered himself with a breath as he rolled toward his night stand, catching her tossing her shirt off in his peripheral.

Sakura waited with fire burning between her legs as he retrieved a condom. She couldn’t blame him if he wanted the extra protection, and then she suddenly felt guilty for rushing him without it.

The wrapper tinkled as he pulled the latex out and tossed the pack. He was surprised then when Sakura’s hand fell over his. “Let me. I’m sorry for rushing you last night, so let me.”

He agreed with a whispered okay and she felt when his breath hitched as she began to roll it down his length.His hand followed after hers, brushing against her fingers as she made sure it was properly in place.

“Ready now?”

His nearly breathless reply was almost deafening in the anticipating silence. “Yes.”

Sakura swung her leg over his body, her back facing him as she aligned the tip of him to her entrance. His hands curved around her thighs as she sank onto him with a sigh, enveloping him in her warmth. His teeth clenched as she rocked in his lap, both of them adjusting to their union, her soft moan the only sound.

Then she began to move, slowly rising and falling, and Kakashi groaned deep in the back of his throat. She felt incredible. Sakura closed her eyes, concentrating as she continued to move, feeling him slide against her walls, in and out, over and over. She could hear him breathing, could feel his hands as they roamed her back - hands that were warm and intoxicating and not deathly cold as they were in her dream. She let her touch trail up her stomach and over her breasts. Soft mewls parted her lips as she touched herself while she rode him, slim fingers pinching her nipples.

Kakashi sat up and leant on a hand for support as he reached around her body and blindly searched for her clit. Her reaction as he found his target was instantaneous as her body jerked at the sensation. He gasped against her skin as her passaged flexed around him, and he pressed his lips into a kiss at her back. Sakura set her hand atop his, pressing his finger more firmly to the side of her clit just how she liked it.

“Like this?” he husked against her, working his touch in a tight circle as he took over.

She whimpered in response, the drive of her hips increasing. Kakashi kept his focus on her - teasing her with every grind of his finger, listening to her breaths, and moans, and the sound of their bodies meeting.

Sakura slowed and pushed his hand down, leading to where they were joined. Kakashi groaned as he felt how wet she was, as he felt his cock slide in and out of her. Then Sakura returned his fingers to her clit, and she gasped as he went right back to teasing her. She circled her hips, grinding against him as she took him deep, absorbing the blissful pressure of his fingertips.

Kakashi breathed against her, enraptured by the feel of her warmth, knowing just how wet she was for him. Her weight bounced in his lap as she began to move again. She was so hot, so perfect, in this moment as she worked him with short thrusts, keeping him as deep inside her as he could be.  He could feel her legs tremble against him. The way she whimpered his name sent a wave of heat through his body.

“Don’t stop,” he encouraged her, not because he was close, but because she was and he wanted to hear her, feel her again as she unraveled.

Sakura clutched his arm as a tremor passed through her; moans slipped through her lips every time she came down on him. The feel of his cock and the added stimulation of his fingers was skyrocketing her toward release. Her body seemed to be on autopilot taking her to her destination, and when she reached it she rasped out his name between broken breaths.

Kakashi held his breath as she came, choosing to focus on the beauty of the arch of her back and the desperate rolling of her hips as she rode out her orgasm. He wasn’t ready for it to be over yet, not now that he was awake and passion burned through his veins. As she slowed he pressed closer to her, brushing his lips across her back. His fingers left her center and Kakashi trailed his wet touch up her stomach to palm a breast.

Sakura’s eyes were closed as she began to recover, aware of Kakashi’s firm body so close to her own, of his hands and the delicious roll of her nipple between dexterous fingers. His touch trailed away from her breast, around to and up her smooth back. His fingers massaged the back of her neck as he teased higher and higher up into her hair. Kakashi’s lips traced her shoulder. “You sound beautiful when you come.”

She went to reply, but gasped as Kakashi bucked his hips up and struck her deep. His fingers fell from her hair and slid back down to her shoulder as he leant back some, propping himself up on his hand. Her body rocked against his, the sway of her hips asking for more. He planted his feet as his touch smoothed down her back, featherlight, before he curled his arm around her.

He thrusted against her again, pulling out from her this time and rolling them over. Sakura gasped in surprise, but then his body was on hers, lips skimming across her cheek as his length teasingly rubbed against her. “I want to hear you again, louder.”

Kakashi rose up onto his knees. In the more dominant position now, he pulled her hips up toward him. He grabbed her ass, massaging her toned buttocks before trailing his hands up. His body leant over hers and he coaxed her to lift up onto her hands.

Sakura’s back bowed with tiny ticklish jerks as his fingers traced a path down the middle of it, and down over her ass, his hand curving against it as he angled his fingers down. She sighed as his fingertip teased her dripping center, and she began pushing against his fingers without thought - the only concern having him inside her. He hummed in awe as she coated his fingers and they weren’t even inside her yet.

He easily pushed two fingers into her and he steadily worked them up into a quick pace until Sakura was breathing ragged, fingers curled against the bed. He kissed along her shoulder blade, loving how warm she was around him, how responsive, and he wanted more of her again.

Kakashi pulled his fingers free and slicked them down his length before aligning to her again. They moaned together as he slid into her, his fingers clawing at her hips as he fully sheathed himself.  He slowly dragged his hips, biting back a groan as her passage squeezed around him; he had a feeling that she did it on purpose. But then she smirked at him over her shoulder and rocked back against him and he knew she had.

Sakura pushed back against his thrusts, her back curving - just so - that every glide of his length, every glance of it against that spot within her had her whole body thrumming.  Kakashi groaned low as their rhythm aligned; it felt so incredible how their bodies came together like this, him reaching deep inside her.

Sakura gasped and whimpered with every slap of their bodies, and her arms were feeling tired. She just wanted to collapse forward and let him ravage her, but instead she reached forward and placed her hand on the wall for extra support, her fingers clawing against it as he jarred her body with a particularly hard, toe-tingling thrust.

Kakashi grit his teeth as he pounded into her, driven by her wanton cries for more, more, _more_. He could feel the end coming, that fire whipping beneath his bones at the base of his back. He slid his arm around Sakura’s chest and lifted her upright as he came higher up onto his knees. His lips attached to her neck as his free hand joined hers at the wall.

Sakura moaned as his teeth grazed her skin, as his body pressed to hers, his hips hammering. His touch was everywhere - or at least it felt that way.  She could feel his fingers squeezing her own, could feel his other hand paw at her body blindly, caressing whatever he could touch until it finally settled between her legs.

She jerked as he touched her, and then he didn’t let up. His slick fingers teased her clit mercilessly. Her body trembled under him, and Sakura cried out as she found herself unable to do anything but just accept him and everything he unleashed upon her.

“M-more… Kakashi please…”

She could feel another orgasm approaching, as his thrusts came quicker and he growled and panted against her; it sent chills down her spine and weighed in her belly. His heavy breathing was going to fill her fantasies for days. Pleasure wound up inside her, tighter and tighter until she thought she was going to snap.

Kakashi was doing his best to stave off orgasm; he wanted her to come again, but it was hard to do when she felt this glorious around him, begging for more.  No matter what he did - what mantra he recited or images he tried to conjure up - he couldn’t hold back any longer. He pressed his fingers in a mindless pattern across her clit, cursing as her body tightened.

“Please… pleeease... Don’t stop!”

Gods that voice was driving him crazy. “I’m going to come… Fuck, Sakura… come with me.”

Sakura felt the dam burst, and she cried out as her body went taut with the force of orgasm. A second pang of sharp pleasure raced down her body like liquid fire, leaving her trembling as Kakashi’s body jarred hers, driving into her hard and deep one final time as he emptied himself.

Sakura panted against the crook of her arm as she came down from her high; desire pulsed through her veins and burned in her lungs - the aching relief that followed the tension of orgasm shook her body. She was very aware of Kakashi’s breath coming out harshly against the middle of her back.

Kakashi gulped for air as his head lolled to the side to rest in the space between her shoulder blades. He untangled their fingers and skimmed down her arm. His lips twitched into a smile as she shuddered - possibly ticklish there, he mused - and then he pulled back and sat up. He caught sight of the angry mark at the juncture of her neck and grimaced at the smear of crimson and the fresh droplets forming.

There was a collective sigh as he withdrew from her. He ran his fingers down her back. “Stay there, I'll be right back.”

Sakura hummed, acknowledging his request. She was content to stay there for hours if she could.She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, basking in the wonderful warmth that blanketed her whole body.  Then she exhaled as they opened, and she swallowed to ease the dryness of her throat, and she remembered that she couldn’t - shouldn’t, wouldn’t.

“Here,” Kakashi whispered as he returned, offering her a washcloth.

His eyes glanced back to the mark as she sat up, and then he turned away to give her some bit of privacy. “I… I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I got a bit carried away there on your right shoulder,” he admitted sheepishly, anxious of how she might reply, and disappointed that he had let himself go like that.

Sakura recalled the striking pain of pleasure as she came and lifted her hand up to feel. It stung slightly to the touch, and her fingertips were smeared with red as she pulled them back to look. But the only thing she associated with it was white-hot pleasure, and she simply shrugged.

She looked back at him and smiled; he was unsure if the flush to her face was because of their activities or because she was blushing. “I’m not. I liked it.”

Kakashi felt things he shouldn’t have - relieved, intrigued, shameless - and he grinned as his knee sank onto the bed beside her. “Oh really?”

“Really,” she repeated and then kissed him without hesitation.

He chuckled as he broke the kiss and laid down. “You’ve worn me out.”

“The sun’s not quite up yet, go back to sleep.”

He stretched his lean body like a cat and held his hand out to her. “You should come sleep with me some more then.”

She tossed the washcloth at him as she stood - Sakura missed how he effortlessly knocked it into his clothes hamper. “I’ve got to go.”

His eyes remained on her as she picked her clothes from the rack and began to dress. “Now? After _that_? Come on,” he teased. She seemed better collected, and in a good mood to boot, even if it was just a brave face. But he knew Sakura, and he wasn’t going to lecture her or question her right now.

Sakura grinned as she pulled her skirt up in place. “I should be home before people start getting up.”

“We live in a ninja village, someone is always up.”

“You know what I mean. Listen, thank you for doing what you did-.”

At this he couldn’t help but tease her again. “You mean multiple orgasms? Anytime.”

Sakura actually laughed and she shook her head as she pulled her shirt the right side out. “ _You know what I mean_ ,” she grumbled. “But about that...I’ll do whatever you want to do, if you don’t want to see me for a while I get that, too. I just-”

“Whoa, Sakura…”

“Just whether you never want that to happen again or if you wouldn’t mind it happening again, I’ll respect whatever you decide. And I want you to think about it, don’t humor me with an answer now.” She pulled her hair from under the collar of her shirt and straightened the still damp material the best she could.

Kakashi watched her quietly as she picked up her shoes and walked over to the bed. She sat beside him, and he remained still as her eyes scanned over his face. “If that never should have happened, then I’ll understand and I’ll do my best to not make it awkward, because you are my friend. But if you’d like to keep giving me multiple orgasms,” she added as her face warmed again, “I wouldn’t be opposed. So please, just consider it. The deal would go both ways, you can come to me whenever you want. We can keep running into each other and making me buy your meals, and sticking me with washing your biggest ninken after a dirty mission, and no one has to be any wiser.”

“You mean keep it a secret.”

She nodded. “You know it wouldn’t go over well and not everyone would be understanding about us, so yeah. It’d be best to avoid becoming feed for the rumor mill. We can even put some rules down to put us both at ease, so just… think about it.”

Kakashi’s eyes slid closed as her mouth sealed over his. Her fingers flitted over his cheek and then sank into his hair. He moaned into her mouth as her tongue stroked his, and she sighed as his hand rested at her lower back, pulling her closer. But before it could go any further, she broke away and grinned at him.

“I’ll see you soon.”

Her words echoed long after she climbed out his window; they felt heavy although promising. But his eyes were heavier, and as sleep pulled on him again he knew already what he was going to tell her.

 


	3. No One's Here to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three!! This is a bit shorter than the other chapters, and less KakaSaku interaction (which I'll make up for next chapter ^_^), but I hope you enjoy it anyway! I wanted to get this out before the holidays. I hope you all have a great holiday and a happy new year!   
> Love,   
> -Deni

**What goes on behind these doors**   
**I'll keep mine and you'll keep yours**   
**We all have our secrets**   
**We all have our secrets**

**Behind every door**   
**Is a fall, a fall and**   
**No one's here to sleep**

* * *

 

Sakura sank against her apartment door after closing it behind her. She’d managed to avoid seeing anyone - which was a miracle in itself, she thought as she caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. She wasted no time showering and then getting dressed for work. She slipped into her medic’s coat and then picked up the last report she’d gotten from the lab and pulled a face. It’d been a while since she’d been to work - nearly a week now -  so she figured the information she did have was outdated by now. She had lots to catch up on, and she wasn’t looking forward to the stress that would likely come with it.

Her stomach grumbled, pulling her attention from the future headache and to the current emptiness gnawing at her.  She set about scrambling some eggs and eating just to appease the hunger that she didn’t feel, but her body obviously did.  She washed her dishes and set them to dry like she did any other morning. She watered her two indoor plants like any other morning, and then she headed to the hospital.

Sakura ignored the surprised looks; she ignored the hushed and hurried whispers, too. Instead she smiled her safe smile and greeted her colleagues as she headed to her office. Once behind the door she scowled. What did these people want from her? She was one of the most respected and renowned medics in the country. The hospital was her job; it was her routine. Losing her parents wasn’t. What was she supposed to do? What was she expected to do? 

She didn’t have to wait too long to find out. Sakura had only just settled, working through the notes that had been left on her desk, when there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” she called.

Shizune poked her head in and offered a tight smile.  “Good morning, Sakura-chan.”

“Good morning.”

“I’m surprised to see you back so soon,” Shizune continued as she slipped through the door.

Sakura hummed as she shuffled through the papers, the lack of amusement on her face apparent. “It seems you’re not the only one who is surprised.”

“Can you blame them? You just buried your mom yesterday and-”

The brunette went quiet as Sakura glared up at her. “And?”

Sakura watched as Shizune struggled to find the right words, her nervous ticks belying the easiness her face kept. She sighed.  “Just say it, Shizune. I’m not Tsunade, I won’t bite your head off.”

“That’s not what it looks like,” Shizune muttered. The rosette shot her an offended look and Shizune apologized with a nervous laugh. “You learned a lot from Tsunade is all…”

“Right. So what can I do for you?”

“Actually, it’s about Tsunade, she wants to see you. Immediately, she said.”

That was never good, and Sakura resigned herself for a verbal lashing that she was sure was going to come. “Fine. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Shizune went to reply, but Sakura was busy organizing the mess on her desk and ignoring her presence, so she only nodded and then backed out of the office.  Sakura sighed as the door clicked shut and then she placed her head in her hands. She had a feeling her day was about to get a lot worse. If that was the case then she shouldn’t keep Tsunade waiting.  She hurriedly stuffed a mess of papers into a folder, and the folder into her bag. After gathering her belongings, Sakura headed out, her stomach tightening into little knots. If anyone would be able to see through her façade it would be her mentor. She could take anything except her shishou looking at her like she was that same weak thirteen year-old seeking out her tutelage.

The Hokage tower was rather lively this morning, and she suspected it was because of the looming talks of the chunin exams approaching. Maybe that was why she was being summoned; she wanted to be optimistic, although she highly doubted it.

Sakura stared at the double doors before her as Tsunade’s strong voice carried through them. Sakura jammed the nervousness back down, deep into her gut, before walking in.

She put on her smile. “You wanted to see me, shishou?”

“Cut the crap, Sakura,” Tsunade snapped, and the smile vanished from the rosette’s face.

A manicured nail tapped against the desk as Tsunade focused on a piece of paper. She wrote on it and then placed her seal upon it before lifting her amber gaze and training it on Sakura. “You went to work today?”

“Yes.”

“I believe I asked you to take some time off. You need it.”

“But… I don't know what to do. I need to be there at the hospital, I've been gone long enough.”

“Shizune has been handling your duties since you've been gone. Do you think she's incompetent?”

“Of course not,” Sakura quickly answered. Shizune was many things, but incompetent was not one of them.

“Then there's no objections to her working in your stead, good.”

“Shishou-"

“Take this to archives,” Tsunade ordered as she lifted the piece of paper.

“What is it?”

Tsunade pushed it toward her without reply. With apprehension, Sakura plucked it from her fingers and looked the document over. While the possibility had plagued her in the back of her mind, actually seeing the official order was like a slap in the face.

It was difficult to keep the anger, the hurt, out of her voice. “You're forcing me to take leave?”

“Sakura, the standard grievance leave is a week.”

“But the hospital needs me.” _I need the hospital_.

“The hospital will still be there when you get back.”

“But it's my job.”

“Exactly, and I can't have you operating at half capacity or making poor judgment calls because you're not completely focused. Take the time to grieve and handle your business. Loss is not foreign to us, as shinobi it's a hard fact we have to face. But you lost both of your parents back to back, and I know how much they meant to you.” Tsunade sighed and her hard stare melted. “You can't ignore what happened, and you can't run from the pain. Didn't you learn that from me as well?”

Sakura tore her gaze from the paper and met Tsunade’s eyes. She could feel herself unraveling, and she hated it. “But you don't understand!”

“Two weeks,” Tsunade interrupted. “Take your time to heal and then come back. That's the end of it. Understood?”

“But-!”

“I can always make it three weeks.”

Sakura deflated, her grip tightening on the paper as she bowed. “Yes, shishou.”

It took everything Sakura had to not slam the door behind her. What the hell was she supposed to do for two weeks? She grit her teeth, angry at Tsunade for forcing this upon her. She stalked to the Archive building, anger and disbelief thrumming through her veins. She took the stairs, nearly stomping as she climbed them to the third floor and the current active roster section.

Even though she knew the chunin behind the desk was doing her job, Sakura couldn't help but glare daggers at her while she processed the formal request. This was absurd! She couldn't believe this was happening. Any moment now she was going to wake up, but no matter how much she willed it, it didn't happen. This wasn't a dream.

“Haruno-san?”

Sakura blinked and shot her gaze at the woman; her voice was icy cold. “What?”

She flinched, but waved the paper before her. “It's complete. You can stop by payroll in three days to collect your salary and-”

Sakura was done listening and she growled as she took the paper before turning on her heel and walking away.  Sakura went straight home, fuming and barely containing it.  She didn’t want to see anyone; she wanted to break things into tiny fractions of themselves and then pulverize the fractions. The only thing that kept her from taking out her aggression on a training field was the fact that she’d have to help pay to rebuild it.

Sakura fell back against the door as she entered the apartment. “Fuck,” she hissed, throwing her fist back against the door with a loud thump. She kicked her shoes off and threw her bag on the table. Only, she threw it too hard and it slid across and off the table. The flap came open and all of the papers slipped out.

Sakura stared at it and then shrugged. “Figures… I don’t even fucking care anymore,” she grumbled before stalking off to her room.

She did nothing but pace in front of her bed, chewing on the side of her thumb as she thought over her situation. Two weeks. Fourteen whole days. Three hundred and thirty six hours. It felt like a lifetime.

She rubbed her hands over her face and moaned into them, frustrated. She hated feeling like this, like she was dead weight, like she was good for nothing. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. But that was what she was… she _was_ useless, unable to save those that mattered so much to her. And now she was kept away from the one thing she had that affirmed that Sakura had a purpose.

Sakura had no legendary clan name, no special chakra, or a kekkei genkai. She was a medic, and it was all she felt she had left. What was she going to do?

_What am I going to do?_

She collapsed onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling as if the answer would appear there. But it never did, no matter how long she stared. A persistent growl and turn of her stomach was what finally pulled her attention back to the present. She was surprised to find the sun had moved across the sky. With a reluctant sigh, Sakura pushed herself out of bed. Even though her stomach was growling she didn’t particularly feel like eating. She shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water instead, hoping it’d be enough to appease her stomach for now.

She turned the bottle up and chugged half its contents when she spotted a piece of paper sticking out from under the couch. She was immediately reminded of her bag and she sighed as she wiped at her mouth. She grumbled as she bent over and began to collect them from the floor; if there had been any order to them she’d have to sort it out later. But then one piece of paper caught her attention. She set the others down and sat as she read it over.

It was a document from Torture and Interrogation explaining their need for another medic even though they were only a month into the new rotation. There was a file paper clipped to the request. The current medic wasn’t as cut for the program as he’d believed and wished to resign.  With Sakura’s knowledge of the medical staff they felt she would be best to make a recommendation.

And then it was like a switch was flipped, and she suddenly knew what she was going to do. Sakura rushed to the bathroom and fixed her hair before giving herself a full once over to make sure she looked presentable. She picked up the letter and tucked it into her pocket. Her heart was pounding; she couldn't believe she was going to do this, and she needed to hurry before she could talk herself out of it.

She slipped her feet into her zori as she tossed her bag over her shoulder. She jerked open the door and promptly ran into a firm body. A sure grip steadied her, and a familiar baritone chuckle filled her ears.  

“You alright?”

She looked up and was greeted by an eye crease and a friendly tilt of his head. “Kakashi.”

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and offered a concealed smile. “I was coming by for that talk, but you seem to be busy.”

That’s right. She did promise him. “I just have to go take care of a couple things real quick. We’ll have to talk later, I’m sorry.” And she truly was, but she wanted to tend to the matter burning a hole in her pocket.

“It’s all right, you’ll know where to find me.”

Maybe it was the tone of his voice, maybe it was that dark nagging in the corner of her mind, but Sakura wrapped her hand around his arm. “Let’s meet in a couple hours, grab a bite to eat, and we can talk after. Sound good?”

He shrugged, but nodded anyway. “Sure.”

“How about the okonomiyaki place that opened up a few months back?”

“It beats ramen.”

She snorted as she pulled the door shut behind her. “Doesn’t it?”

He began walking out of the complex with her by his side. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

Sakura flashed him a quick smile. “Great! See you then.”

Kakashi waved her off, curious to her sudden departure. Surely she wasn’t ignoring him; the whole arrangement had been her idea after all. Unless she was second guessing her decision, he mused. But she’d had no idea he was coming over and she was in a hurry, so it must have been something important - and not him - that sent her away. Besides, she wanted to meet him later. He sighed as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Something wasn’t sitting right as he realized she hadn’t gone in the direction of her parents’ house or to the commercial district.

He discarded the thought and headed back to his apartment. Whatever business she had didn’t concern him. And though he kept telling himself that, he couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling that crept into his gut. He hoped she wasn’t doing something stupid.

* * *

 

The T&I department rarely ever got visitors, and as such, accomodations were lacking. Sakura sat in one of the chairs offered to her, her right leg quickly bouncing up and down.  She hadn’t even been aware of her heel tapping the floor until the chunin behind the desk cleared his throat. Sakura squeezed her knees as she looked around, trying to keep the anxiousness at bay.

The telephone at the desk rang and echoed throughout the foyer. The man answered immediately and then as he hung up he beckoned Sakura over. He began to write on a piece of paper.  “Go downstairs. There’s an Anbu guard on duty two floors down, just show him this and he’ll take you to Morino-san.”

Sakura lightly bowed her head as she took the paper from him. “Thank you.”

The chunin grunted in reply and muttered a “you’re welcome” before tuning her presence out. With a deep breath, Sakura headed further into the building until she found the stairwell. Two floors down was the guard, as promised. He looked over the paper and then walked off without a word. Sakura only assumed she was supposed to follow, but the guard never said a thing. She also assumed the silence was a typical psychological trick to mount the fear of uncertainty. The boys down here really needed to loosen up every once in a while.

Sakura followed the guard-turned-guide down a corridor and to the second to last door. A knock was given and then the guard stepped aside.

She looked from him to the door and back again. “So… do I just wait? Or go in?”

The masked nin tilted his head at her and then back ahead without a word. She shook her head with a sigh. “Okay... Good talk, thanks.”

Bright fluorescent light greeted Sakura as she opened the door. Sitting at the table, slipping a glove over his left hand, was just the man she’d hoped to see. “Morino-san, sorry for the sudden visit.”

He cast her an expression that meant to be passed off as amicable, but even friendly things could look vicious if you had enough scars. “Haruno, what can I help you with?”

“I thought they told you why I was here.”

“Right, the new medic. I’d prefer someone that had more of an iron stomach.”

Sakura circled the table to sit opposite of him when she noticed the blood on the floor. She leant on the edge of the table instead. “Medics are… cut from a different cloth. I know many amazing medic nis, but we’re trained to help people, not institutions.”

“So what are you telling me?”

“I think medics are wrong for the job.”

Ibiki shook his head, already displeased. “We’ve been doing it this way for years. We just need someone to heal-”

“Heal all the damage you do so you can do it again. I had my stint in here, too.”

He drew back with a wrinkled nose and then glanced to the door. “I’m a busy man, Haruno, so I’ll ask you one more time. What are you telling me?”

“I’m telling you that maybe we’ve been going at it the wrong way. Instead of making someone who wants to care for and protect people go against what they feel is morally right so you can get your informations-”

Ibiki clearly had his own thoughts on what exactly they did in T&I as he opened his mouth to interrupt, but Sakura pressed forward. “ _I_ think it would be beneficial for other shinobi to learn medical jutsu-” Ibiki scoffed - “as a complementary specialty,” she amended.

Sakura squared her shoulders and refused to back down as he set his scrutinizing gaze upon her. “But you said so yourself, medics are cut from a different cloth. I don’t think you realize how many men are here that have no problem with letting a prisoner bleed out in a cell.”

“Medical jutsu isn’t just about healing,” Sakura countered. “Our knowledge also make us dangerous, there are just very few who choose to utilize it that way.” She nearly grimaced as she thought about Kabuto and Orochimaru. “But… it is effective. If we could teach it to a handful of your best, then you wouldn’t have to rely on us _softer_ medics ever again.”

Sakura watched as he processed her words. She really hoped she had sold the idea. There had been medics, previous to the current one, that had quit after their stint in T&I and Sakura thought it was unfair.

When Sakura had done her rotation it was treated like training. _What if your teammate has been captured? During rescue, as the medic, you’ll have to face the horrors of interrogation. During your stay you will become quite intimate with the outcome of a variety of techniques. I suggest you burn this experience into your memory and hope you’ll never have to face it for real._

Ibiki met her gaze with his own, challenging and hard. “Show me.”

Her heart stuttered at his words and she hoped she’d kept the shock off her face. “Show you?”

But Ibiki had seen it, and he didn’t think she could prove her point. But it wouldn’t hurt to let her try.  Lessons are taught in failures after all. “Yes, demonstrate to me its effectiveness and I’ll take it into consideration.”

Sakura nodded; she wasn’t going to back down, not if it meant she was keeping her medics safer and saner (not if it meant she could show she still had some use). “Fine.”

Ibiki stood and gestured for her to follow. They exited out the door opposite of how she entered. Two ninja, fully geared, joined them as they made their way down the hall. Toward the end, the two nin accompanying them fell back and stood at attention. Ibiki pointed to a door in front of them. “Behind there is a man from Iwa. He was caught in our borders all alone. He was wearing civilian clothes, but his bag was full of ninja tools. There was a scroll that is currently being decoded. We need to know what he’s doing here, but no one has been able to crack him yet.”

“What else can you tell me?”

“That’s it. Go work, and I’ll be watching.”

One of the guards stepped forward and took Sakura’s bag while the other unlocked the door.  Sakura took a deep breath to steel her nerves, and then she was walking into the holding cell.

The cell was dimly lit, and in the middle sat the man in a chair. His legs and hands had been restrained, and he’d been stripped of everything save for a pair of pants. His eyes and hair were dark and he looked just slightly older than her.  His skin was littered with cuts and he was shivering, but Sakura didn’t have to touch him to know that he was burning with fever. Sweat cut a path through the blood smeared along his face and neck.

“Back for more?” he teased, voice gruff and pathetically weak. He grimaced as he lifted his head to look at her when she didn’t answer. Seeing her in her work clothes, he chuckled and spit in her direction. “Another medic? Hurry up and heal me, honey, I don't have all day.”

Sakura’s eyes roamed his body, noting the areas he treated the most gentle as he squirmed and tried to move about.

At her continued silence, the man laughed. “Are you another newbie? Did I scare your friend off?” Another dark laugh. “What a pussy… though getting your cheek bitten off has that effect.”

That had _not_ been in the report and Sakura glared back at the two-way mirror.

“Don’t worry, your face is too pretty…”

Sakura slipped the coat from her shoulders and folded it over the back of the unoccupied chair. She knew she couldn’t listen to him, that she had to focus on the bigger picture.

“Oh? Is this a new tactic? Are you going to undress for me?” he asked as she loosened the button at the top of her shirt. His eyes raked down her body as she stepped forward. “You gonna show me if the carpet matches the drapes? I bet-”

A garbled sound got choked as she jabbed him in the throat. She stood over his lap, slapping one hand to his chest and the other on his torso, just below his ribs.  “You talk too much,” she murmured. “And not in the way we want. Why are you here?”

“Sending in a woman?!” he screamed at the mirror. “To do a man’s dirty work?! You Konoha nin are some backwards ass-”

His body tensed as her hands lit up in chakra. She concentrated her chakra through his chest, attacking his lungs. It was brief, like a flash of lightning in the sky, but it left the man gasping for breath.

“What the fuck?” he wheezed.

“Why are you here?” she asked again, ignoring his outburst.

“Fuck. You.”

Sakura's hands lit up again, and again, and again - each time extending the duration of her attack on his body. But Ibiki had been right; he was hard to crack. However, Sakura’s determination was stronger - it had to be to convince Ibiki - and a switch flipped inside her.

She grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look at her. “You’ve been misled believing medics only heal. Every time I’ve touched you, I've been deteriorating the functionality of your lungs. I can tell by your shallow breaths that it’s taking its toll on you.”

“Fuck you, bitch!”

“Have you ever come close to drowning before? You're underwater, no gravity, no sense of direction. Which way is up?” Her hand slid slowly up his neck as she spoke. “Which way to the air? You try holding your breath, even though your throat starts to burn, and dammit you can't go out like this, you're a fucking shinobi!”

Sakura paused to meet his gaze and was pleased that he was focused on her. “But Death doesn't care if you're a ninja or not, and you can feel your lungs _aching_ -”  

Her hand on his chest began to glow and his eyes widened in shock as his chest seemed to tighten. “Panic starts to set in and you make a desperate attempt to swim, hoping it's in the right direction. And then the worst thing happens and you start to exhale. You want to hold it in, but you just can’t.”

Sakura pulled her hand from his throat, allowing his breath to gush out before wrapping her hand around him again. “You close your mouth shut, pressing your lips together. Can you make it to the surface before you need air again?”

He thrashed against her, but Sakura held fast. The hand on his chest began to glow brighter. “Fatigue sets in. Something that seemed so weightless before now starts to crush you and you're just not that strong. Shinobi or not, you're not a god. Water slips past your lips and you try not to swallow. The funny thing about breathing is that it’s involuntary. Your body craves oxygen even though your mind knows it's impossible.”

She slowly peeled her fingers from his throat and he gulped for air, but none came - at least he didn't think it did.  Over and over he breathed, yet he coughed and sputtered, choking on each one. The restraints kept him from grabbing her as he bucked and struggled to break free. A wet sound gargled in the back of his throat.

Sakura let the feeling, the desperation, build until she felt his chakra buckle under her own. She tore herself apart from him completely, stepping away as he surged forward, doubling over for air as his fingers strained to touch her. His chest heaved with each breath, tears springing to his eyes.

Sakura's own heart was racing and a shiver of disgust ran down her spine. But she had to see this through.

“What did you do?” he croaked.

“I gave you a lesson in drowning. Want another go? Or perhaps you'd like a different route? You ever wonder what it’d feel like to be struck by lightning? Or maybe you'd like to know what it is to burn… to feel your organs shut down. All it takes is a touch of my hand.”

He jerked away from her wriggling fingers. “You're fuckin psycho!”

She pointed her finger at him, alight with a sharp blue chakra. “This is a chakra scalpel,” she explained as she waved her finger, “and my chakra control is so precise, I could slice through your organs without leaving a physical mark on your body. Did you know we can survive with only one kidney?”

Her finger hovered over his torso. “It should be right around here. 

Ibiki shifted behind the glass. “This isn't working, pull her out.”

It was silent for a drawn out moment, the Iwa nin watching Sakura's finger with wide eyes. And then he screamed.  His hands balled into tight fists, jaw clenched, as pain raced through his body. True to her word, Sakura left no marks on his body.

The door to the room opened and two guards walked in, Ibiki close behind them.

“Stop!” the Iwa nin screamed, agony distorting his reddened face.  “I'll tell you everything! Stop!”

Sakura immediately halted her progress and set her palm against his skin, working to reverse the damage. “That's smart of you,” Sakura consoled him and met his tired eyes. “I'd hate to think what I'd have to do to you next.”

“That’s enough,” Ibiki snapped from his spot in the open door. “We'll take it from here." 

Sakura moved away from the man and headed straight for the door.  Ibiki cocked his head as he regarded her. “Impressive. What should the requirements be for the men I choose?   _If_ I were to try your way.”

“Precise chakra control is the most important.  You don't want to kill a man you're trying to extract information from. Whoever you pick needs more than a basic knowledge of the different systems of the body, anatomy, and the chakra pathways.”

“Noted. You did well, Haruno.”

However, Sakura didn't feel like she had. What happened in that room was beginning to catch up with her and her stomach churned. “May I go?”

“Of course, I'll be in touch.”

She nodded. “I won't be at the hospital, I'll-"

“I know, you _are_ in a section of the Intelligence division.”

She huffed. “Right.”

One of the guards held her bag back out to her. “Have a good evening,” Ibiki called as the door began to close.

Sakura shouldered her bag and then turned and left as fast as she could without looking like she was literally running away. She could feel her fingers trembling and the cold sweat beading down the back of her neck. She hurried up the stairs and to the main floor. The chunin at the front desk didn’t acknowledge her leaving, but Sakura honestly did not care.

The doors were banged open and Sakura greedily took in the fresh air. It chased away the stale and the blood, but every breath felt sickening. She hurried around the side of the building and promptly emptied what little was in her stomach. Sakura spit and then passed the back of her hand over her mouth as she took a shaky breath She slowly rose back to her feet, closing her eyes as she tried to center herself.

_I was just doing what I had to. I can’t lose anymore medics._

“Excuse me.”

Sakura startled at the voice and turned to meet an Anbu masked face. The Anbu held out her hastily forgotten lab coat and she feigned a smile. “Oh… thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sakura offered up another smile and then straightened as she remembered she was supposed to meet Kakashi. “I have to go, thanks again!”

Sakura rushed away from the building; she’d been in there longer than anticipated. Hopefully she could still beat Kakashi to the restaurant. The last thing she wanted on a day like today was to be teased by him - of all people - for being late.

Up on a second story balcony across the street Shiranui Genma twirled a senbon between his fingers. He stood from his position as Sakura took off down the street; he’d been on his way to deliver a report when he noticed her emerge from T&I as if she’d escaped hell itself.

He bit down on the end of his senbon and hummed. “Interesting,” he murmured to himself before continuing on his way.


	4. Electric

**Melting like ice on a summer day**

**Hold me like you mean it, take me far away**

**Bodies movin' and temperature rising**

**Take me to the top then watch me fall in**

* * *

 

Kakashi sipped from the half-full glass in front of him before turning a page in his book. He’d been surprised when he’d arrived and found Sakura wasn’t there yet. He wondered if she was paying him back for the countless times she’d been left waiting for him, or if she was avoiding him, or just prolonging the inevitable.

It wasn’t like him to lose control over his thoughts because of women or sex (although it wasn’t just sex and Sakura wasn’t just any woman). But he found his chest tight, that little voice prodding him and telling him that this was everything he deserved, and nothing that Sakura did. He was truly worried about his former student, worried that they, that _he_ , had only made things worse for her. All because he had grown attached to the darling rosette, and couldn't find the strength to tell her so. Or to let her go.

Kakashi took a larger swig of his drink and turned the next page a bit more harshly. He should’ve been stronger. It didn’t matter what he had felt for her before last night… it didn’t, he kept repeating to himself, until he sighed-long and heavy as if he could expel the throbbing weakness he had for her along with the guilt. Was this a mistake? _Fucking yes it is_ , his brain screamed. A mistake he’d made twice in one day? Or did it just count as one large mistake since it happened in a twenty four-hour period? Was waiting here a mistake, too? Kakashi wanted to tug his hair out.  He was still entertaining the idea of them, or whatever it was they had going on. He should just get over it, tell her that it was wrong…

_But it doesn’t feel wrong._

Kakashi turned another page as his gaze wandered beyond the top edge of his book. Still no sign of her. When she’d left him in the sleepy afterglow that usually followed great sex, it had been so easy for him to believe he’d agree to whatever she wanted. But in the hours that passed he began to have doubts, regardless of how it had felt. And the icing on the cake? Even though he had given himself real time to process what happened, to look at their situation clearly, he still couldn’t forget that light, warm feeling that enveloped him when she’d been there. He couldn’t forget the comfort that pulled at his eyelids, her small body curled into his own. He couldn’t forget that pull, that tingling sense of wonder he’d felt when she offered him more with that soft smile. That damn smile that he had wanted nothing more than to see just once, to let him know she was still in there.

Kakashi was the last person in the world with any right to berate her for her methods of coping, but thinking on that smile, he began to wonder if he should just end it before either of them got in over their heads. Or got hurt. And after seeing such grief in her eyes, after seeing how fragile that smile had been-the one he wanted to protect so badly-the last thing Kakashi wanted to do was hurt her in any way.

A hand waved in front of his face, breaking him from the deep end of his thoughts. “Hello? Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. How many times have you been able to hear that?” Sakura teased as she sat next to him at the end of the bar.

“I think this makes three?” he offered as he snapped his book close.

Sakura gestured to his drink. “You weren’t waiting long were you?”

He gave an absent shake of his head. “At least I don’t think so. It’s hard to keep track of the time when I get lost in Jiraiya’s masterfully created--”

She laughed. “Sure, sure. You’re just as bad as Ino and her romance novels.”

Tucking his book away, he offered her a happy eye crease. “Think she could recommend me a book or two?”

“You two should create a book club.”

“I’ve never thought of that before, but now that you mention it… do you think she’d be up for it?”

She huffed out a laugh as she caught the bartender’s attention and gestured to Kakashi’s drink and signaled for two more. “T&I has been keeping her busy, but I’ll gladly mention it to her when I see her next.”

The lift of his cheeks let her know he was smiling, but she missed how his gaze flickered down to her arm hugging her middle. He picked up a laminated menu from in front of him and held it out for her to take. “Hope you’re hungry.”

Sakura stared at the menu, feeling his gaze on her. Her stomach was a bit sour still, and sometimes she could feel the rattle of the Iwa nin’s lungs beneath her fingertips as her heart beat. She avoided his silent question as two glasses were set in front of them, and she quickly picked one up to drown away the taste of bile, to help her forget that room deep in the bowels of T&I.

Kakashi watched as she chugged down half of its contents, and then let out a deep sigh. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and turned to him with a smile. “That’s good.”

“Thirsty are we?”

She shrugged and then pushed the menu back over to Kakashi. “You pick something and we can share.”

“Have you eaten today?”

Sakura thought back; she vaguely remembered eggs so she nodded. But Kakashi wasn’t happy with her answer. “You pick something you want to eat and I’ll buy it, how’s that?”

She slowly turned to regard him, eyes wide, before setting her hand upon his forehead. “Are you sick?”

He swatted her hand away. “I mean it. You should have a proper meal.”

“Okay, _mom_ ,” she teased, but then realization of what she said sank in. Kakashi could physically see her deflate, even though she fought against it: her shoulders sagged, the corners of her lips turned down, and the happy creases of her eyes fell. She silently took her glass again and took another deep drink from it.

Warmth engulfed her knee and Sakura looked down to see Kakashi’s hand there. She stared at his hand for a moment, feeling the friction of his thumb as he rubbed it across her skin, the flex of his fingers as he gave her a reassuring squeeze. The sound of his voice as he ordered some food pulled her attention back up.

“And for you miss?”

She stared at the bartender. What was he asking again? Kakashi quickly answered for her. “We’re going to share.”

The man nodded and then disappeared to put in their order, and Kakashi turned toward her. “You feeling okay? Did something happen this afternoon?”

Sakura curled her fingers in, to stop the rattling again. But she smiled her safe smile and it was like a switch had been flipped inside her. “Oh, I’m fine, I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” she gibed, grateful that he had chosen to ignore her mom comment.

“Well, then maybe we should get this to go so I can take you home and put you to bed.”

Even if he hadn’t meant anything sexual by his statement, all that Sakura could think of was his weight atop of her, his heat sliding across her body with every thrust. She nodded, it certainly sounded like a good idea, but... “Just let me finish these first,” she remarked as she turned up her nearly empty glass. She polished off the remainder and then started in on the second one.

“I thought that one was for me,” he commented, deadpan.

Her smile was wide as she poked his arm. “But you’re still nursing that one. I can’t let this go to waste, especially if you’re paying for it.”

The take out bag crinkled in his grasp as they walked the evening streets toward her apartment. Sakura had always loved springtime in Konoha, the smell of earth and flowers as everything became rejuvenated. But for some reason she couldn’t bring it in herself to enjoy it right now. The wind still held a chilly bite to it, as if winter refused to fully surrender, yet Sakura didn’t shiver whenever a breeze fluttered around her.

Silence slipped between them, and for a moment Sakura was grateful for it-for him not filling the quiet with useless chatter, for her not having to fake another smile. Kakashi’s skin was warm against her fingers as she wrapped them around his forearm, tugging him toward her apartment building. “Come on, let’s hurry before it gets too cold.”

* * *

 

Sakura’s apartment had always felt cozy to Kakashi. Even now as they sat at the table together, Sakura drinking more than she was eating, listening more than she was talking, neither of them quite broaching the reason why he had initially come to see her.

Sakura’s face was warm, the small heater working its wonders… or it might have been the alcohol, she wasn’t really sure. At Kakashi’s insistence she pushed a piece of the okonomiyaki past her lips, licking the sauce from her fingers, and noticing how he watched. His mask was pooled around his chin, and when he finally looked up to her eyes and found her watching him back, he only smirked. Her gaze slid to the flex of his jaw as he chewed, the bob in his throat as he swallowed, and the flick of his tongue to the corner of his mouth.

She picked up her cup and quickly sipped down what little was left in it. When she set it down, she lifted her eyes to his. “So, now that we’ve eaten, is it time to put me to bed?”

His smile faltered at the innuendo, but didn’t vanish. “We should probably talk about that first.”

She nodded. “Fair enough, I did tell you that we would. So... I want to keep sleeping with you.”

If Kakashi had been taken aback by her boldness, he didn’t show it, especially with the tenderness to his voice when he asked his first question. “Why?”

She scoffed, nearly rolling her eyes for show. “Am I the only one that thought the sex was good?”

“Of course not.”

“Well then, generally when you have amazing sex with someone you want to _keep_ having amazing sex with them.”

For a brief moment, something sparkled in his gaze. “First it was good and now it’s amazing. You keep changing your story, Sakura, I don’t know which to believe.”

A small smile broke out across her face as she got up from her seat and approached his. She slipped her leg over his lap, settling in it as he leaned back to give her room to straddle him. He sighed heavily and she could feel it-in his chest under her palms, in the breath expelled hard enough to ghost her collarbone. “You’re worried,” she commented.

“How can I not be when last night--”

She looked away as she interrupted him, as if she was back in his room in her mind. “Last night was a mess, yeah, and I’m sorry.”

“Why did you come to me?” he asked.

She looked up at him, into him, and through him. Her gaze seemed to burn right through his head and to the wall behind him. “I had noone and nowhere else to go.”

“That’s not true, there are so many people that care about you and--”

“You don’t have to try to convince me, Kakashi. All of my other friends are starting their lives and having families of their own. That’s not exactly what I want to be around. I don’t want empty condolences, or Naruto walking on eggshells, or hearing Hinata’s whispered concerns behind my back. I don’t want their damn looks of pity…” she spat the word as if it were too heavy, too hot on her tongue. She took a deep breath, reined back her emotions.

“Why did you come to me?” Kakashi pressed again, his hands sliding up her legs to rest at her waist.

“Because you’re alone.”

She waited to see if he would show any offense to her words, but his expression remained unreadable. “So you thought that in my loneliness, I would just give in?” His words weren't laced with accusation or disbelief. “I didn’t fail you there at least.”

But Sakura shook her head. “It's because you’re alone… I knew you wouldn’t let me be.”

The air around him changed in that moment, and Sakura hadn’t realized exactly how tense he had been until then. His fingers flexed against her as his thumbs curled under her shirt to graze her skin. “So then the sex…?”

Her hands clasped behind his neck and her shoulders shrugged. “I needed it.”

“Sakura…”

“To feel human. With someone.”

“And you think you want to keep doing this? With me?”

She nodded lightly, her smile echoing the gentleness of the action. “It was good wasn’t it?”

“Amazing, if I remember correctly.”

Her lips twitched at his reply. “It’s just sex, Kakashi.”

She could feel the apprehension in his inhale, and he seemed to contemplate her words. “It’s never just sex.” When she opened her mouth to reply, one of his hands lifted from her waist to press a finger over her lips. “But, if it's what you want then I can do it.”

“I don't want to do this if you're just going along with it because I want it,” she clarified. “What do _you_ want?”

_Weren’t you just thinking about calling all this off earlier? That this was a mistake?_ his conscience reminded him. Kakashi looked up and met her gaze. Her eyes were glazed by lack of sleep and alcohol, but there was still a sharpness there that drilled into him, that searched his face for… something. To Sakura’s credit, she didn’t try any cheap tricks like rocking against him, or nibbling on his neck, or letting her hands wander. She was being absolutely serious and still in his lap, waiting patiently for him to reply.

She was giving him an out.

But what Kakashi really wanted, out of all of this, was to be there for her -in whatever way she needed him to be. He sat a little straighter, leaned a little closer to her. “I just don’t want to hurt you,” he replied honestly.

“I won’t let you,” she assured him before closing her hold around his neck, slipping even closer to him.

“Like I told you last night, we can’t go back from this.”

Her eyes travelled his face, seeing everything and nothing as her fingers curled into his hair. “And like I said last night, I know and I don’t care. Just don’t hate me.”

Sakura leaned in, silencing him with the press of her mouth to his. His counter came out as a soft sigh against her lips as his hands slid down over the curve of her ass. He squeezed at her toned flesh, pulling her even closer, his tongue sweeping her bottom lip. Sakura moaned as her mouth parted for him, as his tongue teasingly caressed hers. Her grip in his hair loosened and smoothed down around his neck, her thumb grazing his jaw and popping his mask completely free from him. She cupped his face as she kissed him earnestly, growing more bold with the heat rising within her.

Kakashi’s hand slipped into her shirt and up her back, his large warm palm resting flat against her to hold her steady as his other arm circled her waist. He broke the kiss as he pulled her flush against him, his mouth attaching to her neck. Her breath tickled his skin as she whispered his name. Her hips undulated against him, ever so gently as he kissed and sucked the tender juncture of her neck. Her fingers tugged at the bottom hem of his shirt until she could feel skin. And her touch was like electricity, sending a pleasant shock through Kakashi’s body as her nails scraped against his sides. His teeth pressed to her flesh, growling low in his throat as she stuttered a curse.

Sakura could feel him growing harder with every roll of her hips and her touch slid higher, earning a light shudder as she ghosted up his stomach. Her fingertips teased ridges of muscle-higher and higher, over his nipples-her traveling hands exposing his abdomen. She subconsciously pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her head falling back as his mouth crawled up along her throat. The heat pooling low in her belly overflowed and spilled between her legs. She wanted him so badly.

She ground her center against his erection, but the pleasure from the friction was dispelled as he gasped at the contact. His firm chest expanded rapidly beneath her hands and for a moment she thought she’d hurt him like she'd hurt that poor Iwa nin. She waited for the sick rattling feeling, the spittle, but it never came.

Kakashi’s nose nudged her jaw as he whispered hot against her skin. “Are you okay?”

His grip loosened as she pushed away from him,  leaning back to meet his gaze with a nod. Their heavy breaths mingled in the stillness, in one long pregnant pause, and then Sakura was kissing him again with renewed fervor. There was a brief lull as she pulled his shirt over his head, but then their lips were reconnected and his hands moved to eagerly map out her skin.

Kakashi moaned against her mouth, gripping the edges of her shirt as she unzipped the front of it, and pulled it off of her shoulders and down her arms. Her tongue lapped at his lips and she pulled back, smirking at how his mouth had parted in anticipation, how he chased after her before realizing she was moving ahead of him.

Her fingers worked the buttons on her skirt, eagerness building inside her as he watched on. “Take me right here.”

His eyes darted up to hers, and for one tense moment neither moved or breathed, as if weighing the situation and all its consequences. They were really doing this. And then his hands were on her, lifting her onto the edge of the table. Her hips shifted as he pulled her skirt down her legs. Her lips pressed into a thin line, humming in delight as he leaned forward. The wet warmth of his mouth met her abdomen, trailing his kisses below her navel and along the top hem of her panties.

She leaned back, pushing his plate and the container of food aside, her other hand combing through his thick, fluffy locks. “Kakashi…”

His fingers curled into the sides of her panties, teasing them down ever so slowly as he continued to pay tribute to her. Suddenly he jerked her forward, his bottom lip dragging along her skin as he tilted his head back to look at her, all while sliding her panties down to pool at her feet.

Kakashi stood from the chair, not breaking eye contact with her as he stepped forward. Sakura didn't back down either as she reached for him, blindly undoing the button and zipper of his uniform pants. She jerked him closer by the parted waistband, smiling as she started to push them down his thighs.

His warm hand cupped the side of her face, fingers sinking into her hair as he brought her close for another kiss. He gasped as her hand curled around his length and began to stroke him. Sakura contained her smile, feeling quite smug as he moaned into her mouth with her movements. He was so hot and hard in her pumping grasp, smoothing up and down, over and over.

A surprised squeak fell from her as he pushed her down onto the table, and then he bent over her, lips trailing along her chest. Sakura closed her eyes, feeling his warmth envelop a nipple. He kissed and sucked, scraping the hardening bud with his teeth before teasing the other with similar tactics. She pushed on his shoulders as he descended her body, eager to feel even more of him.

“Kakashi… now… I want you now.”

His kissed the inside of her thigh and then stood, looking at her laid out on the table as if she wanted him to devour her. He lifted his pants so he could reach into his pocket and retrieve a condom. He held the package between his teeth as he pushed his pants the rest of the way down to pool around his ankles.

She smirked as he tore it open. “Prepared for everything aren't you?”

He shrugged as he unrolled it over his length. “I wasn't sure exactly how this would go, but I figured… just in case, it wouldn't hurt.”

In response she wrapped her legs around him, tucking her feet behind his thighs, and drawing him close. She reached down and took him in her hand as she held his gaze, and aligned him with her entrance. He rocked his hips forward, sinking into her slick heat. She let out a deep sigh, content as he stretched and filled her. He eased back and then forward again, going deeper bit by bit with each rock of his hips, until he was fully sheathed inside her.

“You feel so good,” he groaned, his hands kneading her thighs.

Sakura licked her lips, inclined to agree, but as she opened her mouth his hips drove forward and she seemed to forget everything but the feeling of him wedged inside her. He leant over her, bracing himself on his forearms, and she grasped onto his shoulders, urging him to move. The heat of his body atop hers, the friction against her walls as he slid in and out of her, felt so damn good but she wanted more. Her hands explored his back, feeling his muscles flex and the smooth dips of scars, before settling below his waist. She pulled him against her with every thrust, angling her hips to meet his movements.

She closed her eyes, feeling his breaths wash against her neck and his soft grunts echo in her ear. His lips pressed over her collarbone in mindless wet kisses that only made her body burn hotter. A breathy moan split her lips as he glanced her clit, her grip tightening as every roll of his body continued to rub against it. “Oh gods… don’t stop!”

Kakashi’s brow furrowed in earnest concentration as he worked his body against hers. One of her hands slid up his back and into his hair and he hissed as she fisted his locks, the pain of her tug morphing into pleasure as it laced down his spine. He could feel her body trembling already and he thrust as deep inside her as he could given their position. He rocked against her with quick, short rolls of his body, ensuring he remained buried within her as his pelvis dragged against her clit. Her body was growing sticky with sweat under him as her encouraging mewls morphed into heady moans.

Another burning tingle of pleasure raced down his body and he put it into his hips, feeling quite content with himself as she uttered a curse. Her ragged breathing was so damn sexy, so needy, it was an aphrodisiac in itself. “Let go, Sakura. Come for me.”

Her eyes screwed shut as the heat within her belly coiled in tight. She was already so close. Her legs quivered, squeezed around his body, and then her lips parted with an awed gasp as she hit release.

For a split moment she seemed to freeze in place, and then she melted around him. Her body shook as she called out his name, riding each wave of orgasm as his hips ground against her. She was vaguely aware of his teeth dragging along her jaw before pulling on her earlobe, but her body was so high it was hard to concentrate on anything else. At least, that was until he kissed her-it was hard and chaste-and then pulled away to stand upright. His hands wrapped around her thighs and jerked her closer, and the move was so primal and confident that Sakura found him even sexier in that moment. The flame of arousal licked at her again as she realized he was not finished.

Kakashi’s hands kneaded her skin as he slowly worked his length in and out of her; the unhurried pace allowed him to feel how wet she’d become and to step back from the threshold of orgasm. He watched her as her eyes lifted to his, her face flush and beautiful-even more so when he snapped forward, pleasure twisting her features. This time his hips came forward, meeting her body hard and fast, over and over. Even without his sharingan he’d never be able to forget the way the force of their union jarred her body, her breasts rocked by each drive of his hips, or the way she bit her lower lip before losing the battle to keep the curses at bay. And fuck, the way her hand shot between her legs to rub her clit as he pounded into her was going to be all he could see for days whenever he closed his eyes.

Sakura’s hand dipped lower, her fingers spreading to curve around his cock. She moaned, feeling how she had coated him. She was so incredibly wet, she couldn’t remember any other time when she had been this turned on with another person. She lifted her fingers back to her clit, pressing desperate circles into the bundle of nerves. Her other hand clenched the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white in her effort to stay anchored.

“Kakashi! Ah… I’m… so close…”

And so was he. His arms quivered, his grip tightening on her thighs. If he could hold off for just another moment… He held his breath as he continued to thrust into her, his jaw clenching in determination, but it was of little use. Pressure built up low inside him and he was going to burst. “Fuck, Sakura… I’m gonna come. Come with me,” he pleaded.

Release struck him like lightning, blooming through his back, his belly, up his shaft, and outward. His pace slowed, but he continued to thrust blindly into her. His world had been taken over by piercing white pleasure, the only sound his roaring blood echoing in his ears. And then just as quickly as he left, he came back down to earth, aware of her legs quaking in his hands and the bow of her back. Her lips were parted in a muted cry, and then her breath gushed out from her lungs as she collapsed back onto the table.

Her chest heaved with need for proper air and her eyes rolled behind closed lids. “Ohhh...shit… I can’t feel my toes,” she admitted with a giggle as her hand slipped from between her legs.

He smiled, lowering her legs as he leant down to her. He nudged her cheek with his nose before placing a soft kiss there. When he pulled back, he found her eyes trained on him and it stilled his movements. She looked so gorgeous, her eyes bright and reflecting how sated she was. Her fingers combed through his hair and a soft smile curved her lips.

“You’re really good, you know.”

He chuckled. “Thank you?”

“I needed that,” she commented with a soft sigh.

Choosing not to reply, he kissed her neck instead and then slowly pulled out from her, their collective groans mingling between them. Kakashi stepped back and pulled his pants up, holding them loosely to his hips. Sakura pulled herself up into a sitting position and gestured down the hall. “Feel free to use my bathroom.”

She hopped off the table, grinning as her knees lightly wobbled, and offered up a small kiss to his shoulder before turning to gather her clothes from the floor. She handed him his shirt and then Kakashi shuffled down the hall, turning to glance back at her as she bent over to pull her panties on. He took a deep breath and then went in to the bathroom to clean up.

Sakura quickly slipped her clothing back on and then turned toward the table. She was feeling much lighter now with the blissful thrum of orgasm pulsing through her veins, and she smiled to herself as she began to gather the trash from the take out. This didn’t have to be awkward; this was really _really_ good. She wanted him to feel this way, too. Kakashi emerged a few moments later, watching her silently as he came up behind her. “Let me help.”

She waved him off as she set the dishes into the sink. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Sakura-” His hand circled her arm and gently pulled her to him. “Are you sure…”

She smiled at him.  “One hundred percent. My door is always open, I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one gaining anything from this. I don’t want to have sex just whenever I want it. I hope you come to me, too.”

He nodded as his hand fell away, unsure of what else to say, but he did have to make sure one point was made clear. “If at any point you change your mind, just tell me, okay?”

“Okay, same goes for you, too alright? Man, I was so tense before, but now all I wanna do is sleep.”

He offered a small smile and then cupped her face. Surprised, she looked up at him, but all he did was pull her close and kiss the top of her head. “Get some rest then.”

The gentleness of his touch, especially after feeling it pull at her so greedily, caught her slightly off guard. She stilled, feeling nothing but the warmth of his lips against her skin. A smile pulled at her as she felt him linger. “Trust me, after that, I will.”

His hands fell away and he took a step back, chuckling as he worked the mask back up his face. “I’ll see you next time.”

This time she nodded, and as he reached her door, she spoke up, halting his movement as he reached for the handle. “Thank you… And I don’t mean just for the sex. Thanks for not judging me, and just listening. I needed that, too.”

“Any time,” he replied before stepping out into the night.

* * *

 

It was the best night of sleep she’d had in a while, and when Sakura woke up in the morning she was rather refreshed. To wake naturally with no alarms or nightmares was a blessing. She lounged around in bed, debating whether to go back to sleep or get up and shower, when there was a knock at her door.

_Well, that handled the decision for me_.

She hadn't been expecting anyone, so with a mumble she forced herself out of bed. She shuffled out of her room and to the door as the knock came again. She combed her fingers through her hair, hoping she looked put-together enough, and then opened the door.

A ninja she didn't recognize stood before her; he offered a curt bow and then looked her dead in the eye with such disdain Sakura nearly apologized _to him_. His voice was flat and uninterested as he spoke. “Ibiki requests your presence at T &I. You are to come precisely at 9 a.m.”

No sooner than Sakura had acknowledged him, did he vanish. She sighed as she shut the door; she wasn’t sure if the summons was a good thing or not. Also, when he said that he’d be in touch she hadn’t thought it’d be the very next day. She had less than an hour to be there, so she kicked herself into gear and quickly bathed and dressed.

Even though her stomach was already tightening in anxious anticipation, Sakura had little time to actually dwell on the feeling. She slipped into the morning foot traffic and headed straight for T&I.

* * *

 

Ibiki was waiting patiently for her in one of the interrogation rooms when she was pushed inside at 9:07 a.m. His eyes lifted from his wristwatch to her face. “You’re late.”

“I got here before nine, I got held up upstairs.”

“You’re still late,” he retorted and then gestured to the empty chair in front of him.

She bit back the heavy sigh, but the annoyance she couldn’t quite wipe from her face. “Well then I apologize for keeping you waiting. What did you want to see me for?”

Ibiki laced his fingers together as he looked her over. “It’s about the suggestion you made yesterday.”

Sakura already didn’t like his tone, so she approached her question with caution. “What about it?”

“After your little show, I did consider it. However, I was under the impression that you had come under the orders of the Hokage.” _Oh no_. Sakura’s heart thudded painfully as he continued. “I was aware of your leave from the hospital, but I did not know you had been temporarily removed from the active roster. Lady Tsunade had put Shizune in charge of the medic rotation for T &I, including finding a resolution to our current problem. So it seems you’ve overstepped your boundaries, Haruno-chan.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she knew that there wasn’t much she could say in the situation, but she tried. “But... it’s a _good_ idea.”

“It was a good idea that hadn’t been given approval by the Hokage. So I am refusing your proposal-”

“Morino-san...”

“- _although_ it was a creative solution to the problem. Perhaps next time you should go through the proper channels instead of clinging onto power that is not yours. Just because you are the Hokage’s apprentice, and our future Hokage’s friend, does not mean you also have the Hokage’s authority.”

She shook her head. “No, I never thought-”

Ibiki stood without a word, blocking out the light above her head as he looked down upon her. “The Hokage wishes to see you when we are done here.”

“Shit,” she muttered under her breath, her failure here aching its way into her bones. “Ibiki, if I can get her approval-”

“Don’t bother,” he interrupted. He motioned to the window and when he spoke again, it was clearly not directed at her. “We’re done here now.”

Sakura looked to the two-way as the lights in the room dropped. In the middle of the mirror, a face appeared first-flared nostrils, lips thin-pressed into a snarl, and hard eyes. A manicured nail jabbed against the mirror, shaking the whole surface of it, and Sakura gulped as she found herself rooted to the chair.

Tsunade’s voice came through loud and clear. “You stay _right_ there!”


End file.
